This clip is the greatest goddamn thing I have seen in ages. I honestly don’t remember the last time I had tears streaming down my face from laughing this hard. Go, watch now. It’s NSFW, but you knew that when you came to this site.
Discovered floating in the tubes:
The Naked Bike Ride In Portland Showed Everyone’s Vulnerabilities
More or less safe for work. I don’t really know where to start. Well, no. That’s not true. Let’s start with this: Pick a fucking message you goddamn hippies! By the time your point is this muddled, you’re not protesting, you’re just a bunch of streakers egging each other on.
Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with being a bunch of streakers egging each other on, but please don’t try to tart it up as some noble crusade. Ok, oil dependence? The bikes make sense. Body image? The naked makes sense. Naked for oil dependence? You lost me. Bikes for body image? Are you saying people should stop being fatties and exercise more? Nice, hypocrites. (Yes, that’s in sarcasm font.) Being naked to show vulnerability on a bike, to the cold mechanical predations of cars? Well, ok, but you all put yourself in that position voluntarily. And what does being squishier than a chevy have to do with oil dependency?
Seriously people, if you’ve got a thorn in your ass over something, be specific! Look at anti-abortion protests. Sure, they suck, but they’re specific and focused and you don’t have to guess what they’re on about. If you have to explain what you’re protesting, you’re not only doing it wrong, but nobody will remember or give a shit five minutes later.
After you get enough groups in the tent, you’re just having a good time with vaguely like-minded people. Again, nothing wrong with that, just don’t expect to be taken seriously.
CEO of Levi’s: Don’t Wash Your Jeans.
The CEO of Levis Strauss, Chip Bergh, has some advice for you: Don’t wash your jeans.
As in don’t wash them … ever. Speaking at Fortune’s Brainstorm Green conference, Chip said he was sporting a pair that had “yet to see a washing machine” in over a year.Worried about germs, you germaphobes? No problem, he says. Just stick your jeans in the freezer once a month next to the frozen waffles to kill off the bacteria. Apparently getting them icy will neutralize the sweat, coffee spills and other bodily fluids that might collect in the zipper or “seating” area. He also suggests spot cleaning with a sponge or a toothbrush.
While that could work for the stuff on the outside of your jeans, what about all the stuff your body cooked up that’s on the flip side? Once you get ‘em back up to body temperature, won’t you be warming up those germs again? Yuck.
The CNN reporter seems about as nonplussed as I am, noting that freezing and spot cleaning don’t actually kill bacteria. At best it might stave off the inevitable stench; over the long term, no, and that Chip must not be actually addressing the audience that actually buys the bulk of his jeans, but those who wear them as a fashion accessory and don’t actually wear them more than a handful of times.
Bless her for her incredulous deconstruction of the silly notion, but the part where she seems exclusively worried about the inevitable body odor miasma strikes me as rather telling of her own lifestyle.
If I stopped washing my jeans altogether- and yes they are Levi’s- here is what would happen:
They would smell, yes. But they’d also rapidly become caked with successive layers of mud, spit, dog fur that had bonded in the mud and spit and eventually into the cloth itself, and home to an increasingly treacherous collection of foxtails, goatheads, and the occasional splinter. They would not look “like new”. They’d look like something you’d find on a homeless person who’d been squatting in a barn by pretending to be one of the cows. And I’m not THAT rural, I just have pets and sometimes work outside. There’d be spilled coffee in there too, it’d just be the least of my worries.
Given the origin of Levi’s, I find it more than a little sad that the CEO seems to no longer have the faintest clue what his product was designed for. And is still used for by the majority of its customers.
Spider lives inside woman’s ear for five days.
I would name mine Carl and take him to stare at the light above the sign at Arby’s, and howl at the sky in terror and awe.
For the fans of Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter International series, the MHI RPG & Employee Handbook is available to all. I highly recommend it.
Those of you who already have a copy and may not be familiar with why this increasingly dust-covered little website is listed in the thanks, I believe the tale you’re looking for is here. Thanks for dropping by! As soon as we get this chupacabra infestation taken care of we might even manage to post something interesting again.
The Goon Movie Kickstarter has just three days to go, and is remarkably close to their ambitious 400k goal. $70k more and this will actually happen, and would be an honest-to-god moment of happiness in the year. I realize this isn’t quite as noble as fighting prostate cancer, but I want this project to succeed so much it’s nearly physically tangible. The pairing of Clancy Brown and Paul Giamati as Goon and Franky is so sickeningly perfect as to blow minds, and the source material to work with has even eclipsed “Scud: The Disposable Assassin” as my ideal as Best Comic Ever.
The world may be turning into handbasket full of used fuck, but this is a chance to at least get really fucking good circuses to watch along the ride to hell.
Today I found the best thing on the internet, which are these excerpts from a letter Charles Darwin wrote to Charles Lyell in 1861.
For those who aren’t experts on Charles Darwin and can’t make out his handwriting, which appears to have been developed on the theory that if one is having difficulty forming a word one should simply press on and eventually it will all be over*, the quote is this:
“But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything.”
Oh Charles. Buddy. I can so relate.
It goes on like this: 
“I am going to write a little book for Murray on orchids, and today I hate them worse than everything.”
I HAVE HAD THIS MORNING. SOMETIMES IT LASTS WELL INTO EVENING.
*Which, not to bash on Darwin, everybody who’s ever had to quickly take notes develops awful handwriting regardless of how beautiful their penmanship began. Mine looks like it was written by someone who is having a seizure, or possibly jotting something down quickly during an earthquake. I worry someday someone who has to deal with my checks or credit card slips will notice my signature is never the same twice.
Ok, my apologies for the delay. I know everybody else has had their Kilted to Kick Cancer rewards up for a while now. Right around Blogorado o’clock, my project at work went on the chopping block, to simplify, so the day job has been in panic mode for the better part of the month. Combine that with functionally all of my non-work hours being absorbed by various other commitments, free time has been at something of a premium.
That said, time to make good. The audio of The Waxing is available here, and will be going up in the sidebar once I’m done editing this post. I had to pull in a favor from FarmGirl to get this cleaned up and in a useful format, and it amused her greatly, so there is also a sped up version that sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks available here. Big thanks to FG for the help; this would still be sitting in my to-do pile and wouldn’t have the bonus comedy version otherwise.
The songs are still coming. I promise they’re not forgotten, and pretty much everybody who was crazy enough to send in for the drawing has said “Just post it!” so I’m going to save a step of picking winners and just do that. You all won, hooray!
Thank you all very much for your donations. To have raised $2400 just from my blatherings on the internet for such a good cause is humbling. I mean it honestly when I say I hope you all enjoy hearing me suffer for every penny (and yes, there was a lot of alcohol involved. Duh.).
So, there’s this comic series called The Goon. It’s written and drawn by Eric Powell, it’s on the Dark Horse imprint, and it is one of our favoritest funnybooks in the world. I’m a fan; Stingray is a bigger fan, big enough to be slightly disturbing. The best short description of The Goon that I can come up with is that it’s kind of like if Gasoline Alley had been created and produced by Rob Zombie, and then handed over to someone with more talent. (That would be Mr. Powell.) It’s awesome, it’s pretty, and the story is surprisingly deep for something that involves a turf war between zombies and thugs and features dudes with inexplicable fish heads and occasional hostile land squids. Short version is, it’s good. You should probably read the comic.
What I’m actually pimping, however, is more to the folks who are either already aware of the sweet comic goodness that is Goon or for those who will experience an instant, Damascus-style conversion upon becoming aware of Goon. Namely, the Kickstarter for the Goon movie. (Or, more specifically, producing a feature length story reel for the movie to give it real pitch power to Hollywood.) Normally this would not excite me, because normally comic book movies suck unless they’re produced by Marvel Studios. However, this comic book movie already has David freakin Fincher at the helm, with Powell himself writing the script, and Clancy Brown to voice act the title character. So that’s a fair punch more promising than the average Y’ALL LESS MAKE A MOVIE OUTTA THISAYERE COMIC proposal.
There’s various prizes and stuff, but really the only reason to give money to this is if, like us, you slaver to see the movie made. So if you slaver and you have spare cash lying around that would otherwise go to drugs or something, go ahead and kick. Meantime, might think about checking out the comics. They’re pretty rad.
Ok, slightly bait-and-switchy, but it got your attention didn’t it? Our friend Stephen Bodio seems to have gone and gotten a new book out.
I have not read this tome yet myself, but I do intend a copy to go in the ever-expanding pile of matter I intend to read, despite said pile rapidly approaching a volume sufficient to collapse in on itself and begin a self-sustaining fusion reaction. The man knows of whence he speaks, and while raptors are not a niche most, if not all, of the readership here will never have more than passing contact with, how can you argue against the inherent coolness of working with an animal that is essentially a vector calculus engine attached to a propulsion unit and a bag of knives? They can be funny, too.
If you’re so inclined, you may find An Eternity of Eagles through a handy Amazon referral that will benefit two people a once with no additional cost to you. I’m looking forward to when ever I can mow through enough of the to-read backlog to get on this one.
