New Ground Rule
Irradiated by Stingray
Ok, hippies, that’s quite enough of this bullshit. New rule: If you can’t explain at least one of three of a) what gluten is, b) how it is formed, or c) the specific set of requirements under which avoiding it actually makes sense, you are not allowed to spin your shit up about it.
This gluten-free “bread” I just ate? That’s called sawdust, you trendwhore fucks. It doesn’t taste any better, and I’d bet the cost of lunch any day of the week that the latest dietary scourge is actually not in any way a problem for 95% or more of the people demanding shitty food in service of avoiding the g-word.
God damn it, the one thing hipsterish localvore organic free trade sustainable cruelty free birkenstock clad fixie-bike riding food is supposed to have going for it is that it’s supposed to taste better. When the fucking egg salad sandwich from the national chain grocery store is not only cheaper (half the price of the pretenchou version), tastier (Bread with gluten actually acts like bread! WHO FUCKING KNEW.), bigger, AND COMES ACTUALLY ASSEMBLED AS A GODDAMN SANDWICH INSTEAD OF A FUCKING BOX OF COMPONENTS, you have failed so goddamn hard you should be put on a starvation ration of oxygen so you quit wasting it for the rest of us.
July 17th, 2014 at 1:04 pm
The studies have been done. People who are “gluten sensitive” aren’t. They are psychosomatic. If you don’t have celiac’s disease, you are NOT gluten sensitive. If you DO have it, you need more treatment than just being an asshole when you order food.
July 17th, 2014 at 1:21 pm
I will eat their share of gluten.
July 17th, 2014 at 3:05 pm
Nor is wheat magically capable of creating more fat than the net gain of calories would indicate. (The “Wheat Belly” diet. There it’s not gluten, or even processed wheat flour — it is wheat, period, that is doubleplusungood. Regardless of how much you are talking about.)
July 17th, 2014 at 8:00 pm
Good points all, and you’re right sawdust DOES taste better… sigh
July 17th, 2014 at 9:28 pm
http://podbay.fm/show/536258179/e/1352984400?autostart=1
July 17th, 2014 at 10:10 pm
Um - the only reason I view most hippies with as much tolerance, monetary support, and affection as I have is because they make good food, good mead, good soap, and good music.
If they fail at the above, then they’re just annoying, pretentious asses who want to shove their party line at me and whine if I dare disagree. In which case they need a shower with real soap, a haircut, and a job ethic before they have a chance at getting a red cent out of me.
July 18th, 2014 at 5:14 am
Gluten is the protein that gives bread its lovely chewy texture. That’s why so many gluten-free baked goods have the consistency of sawdust. Some aren’t so bad; egg makes a pretty good substitute for the gluten. But none are as good as real bread.
Gluten-free is a good thing for taste in those things that never should have had any wheat, rye, or barley in the first place, like sausages or hamburgers.
The fashion trend is super convenient for those who actually have celiac disease.
July 18th, 2014 at 10:29 am
Don’t hold back, Stingray. Tell us how you really feel about it.
July 18th, 2014 at 12:20 pm
“The fashion trend is super convenient for those who actually have celiac disease.”
And this is why I have a hard time complaining about “gluten intolerant” types. As eyeroll-inducing as they are, their stupid dietary restriction lets me go to more restaurants with my friend who has celiacs.
July 18th, 2014 at 1:15 pm
What I want to know is why on earth you ordered gluten free in the first place? Surely you knew better.
July 18th, 2014 at 8:40 pm
Because “Gluten free by request” apparently meant “by default so we can get rid of this shit.”
July 19th, 2014 at 5:31 pm
Gluten-only bread would actually be pretty good.
Chewy protein, with less carbohydrates.
July 22nd, 2014 at 9:24 am
Tell me about it. I am allergic to seafood and poultry, which makes eating at Sodexo style cafeteria’s pretty much impossible, because apparently anything made from hoofed mammals is too unhealthy to countenance. Which, ok, that’s fine, story of my life and it isn’t like they are serving just me. But when this silly trend of “grains that are not grains” becomes the standard, I really can’t help but want to scream “This is your idea of healthy options?!” with a few dozen expletives attached as the situation deems.
July 22nd, 2014 at 9:32 am
Here’s the thing that just irritates me to no end.
Gluten-free markings…… on vegatables…….. I s**t you not.
It’s gone from something that Celiacs have to have (legitamately) to a f**kin marketing ploy. It spurs really stupid conversations (like the one I had with the guy selling “healing magnets” at the mall).
And when some of these people speak, I just want to punch them in their ill informed, self-righteous mouth. Especially when they drone on and on about how gluten is “poisonous” to the body.
Fine. I’ll help Sigivald eat their portion of gluten.
Technically, I am a hippie. (Long hair, nature loving, folk music listening.) And I know several people who know their suppliers personally when they make mead (they live in the hives in the back of their property).
July 23rd, 2014 at 5:37 pm
“Because “Gluten free by request” apparently meant “by default so we can get rid of this shit.””
Which is funny when you consider restaurants that charge *extra* for gluten-free bread.
@Joseph in IL: hey, veggies *are* gluten-free. Just like they’re lactose-free.
July 24th, 2014 at 3:56 am
“@Joseph in IL: hey, veggies *are* gluten-free. Just like they’re lactose-free.”
…and vegan!
July 24th, 2014 at 5:42 pm
The present trend does make it easier to take care of my mother, who actually has celiac disease. The problem is that once the trendy move on to something else, it’s going to be a cast-iron witch to find gluten-free ‘bread’ for her again.