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Mommy and Daddy Taught Me Not To Hit Girls Though…

September 15, 2012 - 3:18 am
Irradiated by Stingray 5 Comments

Yesterday was normal derby practice. But Wait! There’s a boot camp this weekend. So today was bonus work. Have I mentioned I never had wheels on my feet for anything more than 15 minutes before in my life until I started skating in like June? Today was supposed to be boot camp runner running a light evaluation.

Which turned out to mean an hour or so at Stingray’s Sprint Speed and lots of getting up from fall work, followed by a sucker punch as a wheel check sent me flying to land straight on my solar plexus.

And she really really wants the refs at tomorrow’s 9 am (which I didn’t know they *had* a nine in the morning on Saturdays) to 2 pm training fest. Because it’s good to have big guys in the mix for hitting drills and blocking drills for… uh… reasons.

Look, I know I’m pretty low on the totem pole for skating skills, but when the lion is waving to everybody else “Hey! That zeeb is the slow weak one! Let’s fuck it up!” I’m not entirely on board with the plan.

Please donate generously to the Prostate Cancer Foundation in my memory.

Posted my furious genitals, wheels of terror, whining |

5 Responses to “Mommy and Daddy Taught Me Not To Hit Girls Though…”

  1. Old NFO Says:
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:38 am

    You’re gonna be hurting in places you didn’t even know you had… :-) Ben Gay IS your friend!

  2. Kristopher Says:
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Make them pay.

    It worked for me when I played football as a kid. When some little fucking running back thinks he can punch you during scrimmage and get away with it, volunteer to be his opposite.

    He gets the message when he runs to one side of the line, and sees you running opposite him with a big fucking grin on your face.

  3. Squid Says:
    September 17th, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    I’m with Kristopher on this one.

    Lots of big guys in my gym classes learned an important lesson over the years: Skinny little nerds have sharp pointy elbows.

  4. LabRat Says:
    September 17th, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    We actually have a skinny girl who is absolutely infamous for the sharpness of her shoulders. She leaves pointy little bruises during completely legal hits.

    Things actually went pretty well overall, even though they have plenty of reason to contemplate vengeance given Stingray runs offskates workouts and generally shoots as his goal to have someone barely able to pant out “I hate you!“

  5. Squid Says:
    September 17th, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    I can only imagine the deep, dreamless sleep of the righteous he enjoys after hearing such a thing…