Stages of Dog Bath
Irradiated by LabRat
1. Denial. Dog will attempt to escape by repeatedly rotating its body away from the water source, until dog and bather are both dizzy.
2. Shock. Having temporarily run out of ideas, dog will mutely accept the water.
3. Bargaining. Dog will entreat the bather to stop, usually by licking and whining.
4. Shock, part 2. Dog has run out of ideas again and is also covered in soap, which is even worse than being covered in water.
5. Anger. Dog has been soaked, lathered, and rinsed. There is water in his eyes and soap up his nose. Depending on the dog will express this fed-upness in various ways.
6. Transcendent Joy. Dog has been released! Time to shake, spin, play-blow, tail-chase, and roll.
7. Caught Short. Sec, be right back.
8. Horror. Even though the dog is now free and there is no more incoming water or soap, dog is still soaking wet and smells of something decidedly undoggish. Depending on the dog, will make alternating efforts to towel itself off, run itself dry, or lick itself back to smelling like itself again.
9. Butthurt. Self-explanatory.
10. Exhaustion. Dog will collapse and nap hard for at least an hour. Depending on the dog and its coat, this has the side benefit of potentially waking up dry.
May 18th, 2012 at 6:29 pm
You forgot rolling in something very doggish smelling.
May 18th, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Thankfully one of the breed features of Akitas is they’re pretty fastidious. Tank is the only one so far who’s proven willing to roll in dead stuff, and they have to make their own dead stuff.
May 18th, 2012 at 11:41 pm
Unless they have rolled in something unspeakable, why wash them? Yes, that is a serious question. The fur of a healthy dog is pretty much self-cleaning, helped along by the occasional brushing. Dogs do not need baths.
Our current nine-year-old mix has never had a bath. When he finds something particularly disgusting to roll in, we may have to rinse and brush the affected area - even then, only if it’s really bad. Otherwise, he just gets fewer pets for the week or so it takes to wear off.
May 19th, 2012 at 3:59 am
Do Akitas get crinkly when they’re wet? My late dog was a little border collie mutt and after a bath she would end up looking like she’d been on a date with an electric socket, wrapped in a towell and curled up pathetically on a chair-big greta garbo eyes and all.
May 19th, 2012 at 10:28 am
Cat bath: 1) catch cat. 2) subcontract to professionals 3) release damp and peeved feline. 4) Repeat one month later. And there is a medical reason for washing this cat.
May 19th, 2012 at 10:32 am
arg- They don’t get that many baths, but in summer washing them is damage control for my hayfever and theirs. (Kang and Tank don’t seem affected, but Kodos gets it as badly as I do.) Thick double coats can carry an awful lot of dust and pollen around.
Laura- nope, happily. I had a sheltie that did that, but these guys just get wet and dry off in a fairly normal fashion.
May 19th, 2012 at 11:26 am
Teach them to stand in front of a fan or blower while you brush them out (outside of course). Apollo’s not to thrilled with the blower but when he’ll do it the amount of dust and stuff that blows away….he gets a bath about every six months or so when he starts getting a bit smelly.
May 19th, 2012 at 11:39 am
And yet if you are out hiking with a dog and come upon a smelly, dirty, brackish pool of water, they will gladly dive in, splashing and slurping it up with glee.
May 19th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhtgGGpVqDc
May 19th, 2012 at 6:29 pm
BobG-whenever my dog did that in a puddle of gleck it was usually with a bright, 50000 watt doggie grin that clearly proclaimed she was the bestest brightest most wonderfullest dog in teh world.
May 20th, 2012 at 2:29 am
Didn’t you miss the bit immediately post bath where dog, suddenly released from purgatory wherein an eighty pound GSD turns into a quivering wreck, when they run around until they find the most inopportune place, and that most likely to cause as much damage and embarrassment as possible, to shake (sorry vicar have a towel, yes dear I’ll just redo all the washing, etc.).
I’d feel vaguely ashamed causing such distress to my big mutt but he seems to do the same in other circumstances too (imagine dragging said eighty pound dog into the vet surgery and then waiting with him a quivering wreck sitting on your knee?!? Hit him with a stick and he thinks you’re playing, say ‘bath’ or the V-word and he whimpers and leaves puddles everywhere. Go figure).
May 20th, 2012 at 5:35 am
Ah yes, the ‘joys’ of doggie baths… And the shake just BEFORE you can get the towel on him… (Oh well, good excuse to clean the bathroom).
May 20th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Meanwhile, with Labs, the problem becomes getting them OUT of the tub
May 20th, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Are mine the only dogs that feel the need to share the post-bath joy
by laying, still wet, in the middle of the bed or on my favorite recliner?