Atomic Nerds

So the last two days have been filled with posts dealing with heavy and SRS BZNS. The comments have been about what you’d expect, more or less, and Mel Gibson’s Laser Nipples will be debuting their first album any day now. So now rather than hammer on with more gloom and llama, you get something light for Friday. Yes, I know it’s a chatlog, but Old NFO said it was funny enough to crosspost from where it originally went up at the Gunblogger Conspiracy page, and given all the letters following his name on his business card, I’m not about to argue with him lest I be vaporized. The scene: A massive netsplit on the slashnet servers. A list of fifty-some users suddenly dropped to about a dozen, leaving my buddy Sal and I as pretty much the only people not just idling. Below the fold is what happens when you get two people very dedicated to wasting time together with plenty of time to waste, with the odd minor edit for context/clarity/chaff removal.

{Salamander} Wow
{Salamander} Just us chickens
{Stingray} That was a big one.
{Salamander} I request emergency op status!
{Stingray} Srsly. If whitebread is the only op we’d be better off giving some egyptians power.
{Salamander} heh
{Salamander} Never seen such a short user list
{Salamander} Perfect time for a takeover.
***Stingray tapes some bread to his head and starts throwing rocks.
{Salamander} All I have is a cardboard box stuffed with rags
{Salamander} I’m gonna stick with you. You look like you know what you’re doing.
{Stingray} LabRat tied one of my soup pots to her head. If she gets a dent in that thing, it’s gonna be ugly.
{Salamander} Raise Ladles!
***Stingray pauses to make a quick buck and walks around with a tray of attractively priced throwing rocks.
{Salamander} I’ll take 101
{Salamander} No 20!
{Salamander} These rocks. How are the better than the rocks at my feet?
{Stingray} Discount bulk pricing, thank you very much sir. That’ll be $49.97 and I’m cutting my own throat with that offer sir. These are highly crafted aerodynamic rocks, specially designed to penetrate the modern bread helmet and will serve you well.
***Salamander bredas off a bit of stingrays bread helmet and dips it in sauce.
{Salamander} breaks*
{Salamander} I just verbed breda
***Salamander offers some.
{Stingray} I think a verbed breda would involve a powerful rifle and long range.
{Stingray} Thank you, very tasty.
{Salamander} “I just breda’d that 500 yd target.”
{Salamander} I can’t carry all these rocks.
{Salamander} I am using my belt to keeo the box on my head.
{Salamander} Do you think they all left us here?
{Salamander} Forever Alone
***Salamander hits apina
{Salamander} Nothing has changed int he past hour.
***Stingray sighs and fields a work-related call, upset at the interruption in sales.
{Salamander} I can cover you.
{Stingray} Thanks
{Salamander} Rocks! Get you rocks here!
{Salamander} Genuine Stone Rocks For Sale!
{Salamander} Two Rocks for the price of One!
{Salamander} These Rocks, Rock!
{Stingray} Nice work there, Sal. Move any rocks?
{Salamander} yeah…
{Stingray} I don’t mean just from over there to over here.
{Salamander} EGYPTIAN GOLF BALLS!
{Salamander} Well now I feel awkward.
{Salamander} I marked them up!
{Stingray} Two for one special! APRs for use against tanks! That’s right, get your *cougharmcough* propelled rocks here, they’ll do the trick or your money back!
{Stingray} Just rebrand ‘em. Put them in the APR box.
newtMcKerr [[email protected]] entered the room.
***Salamander throws a rock at newtMcKerr
{Salamander} WE GOT ROCKS HERE!
{Salamander} OOh..
{Stingray} Wait, I got an idea.
{newtMcKerr} why me? Because we’re related by species?
{Stingray} Keep pushing the rocks. Follow my lead.
***Salamander scoops some dirt in a baggie.
{Salamander} Do It Yourself Rock Kits!
{Stingray} Helmets! Get your anti-rock helmets here!
{Stingray} We got all the latest models! We got bread! We got plastic bottles! We even got the super-deluxe box full of rags!
{Salamander} Anti-Helmet Rocks! Get them while they last!
{Stingray} I tell ya Sal, we’re gonna be rich.
***Salamander throws a rock at stingrays bread helemet
***Stingray stands impervious to the whiffleball….er, extremely dangerous armor-piercing rock.
{Salamander} Those holes are for aerodynamis
{Stingray} Demonstrated and tested, anti-rock helmets assured to stop even the deadliest projectile except bullets and explosives and rocks!
David [[email protected]] entered the room.
{Salamander} Gen 4 Rocks On Sale Now!
{Stingray} David, you look like a clever man. The sort that knows the value of a good bread-helmet. Step right up and we’ll get you fitted. Size 10 is it?
***Salamander throws a rock at David.
{Stingray} Act quickly, that merchant of death Sal over there is moving rocks like there are no background checks no the things!
{Salamander} Hurts don’t it?
***David steps back, looks at the sign on the door…. yep, right place…..
{Salamander} Indeed you have come to right place good sir.
***Salamander points at his rocks.
***Stingray puts a skewer through one of the buns on the bread helmet.
{Stingray} Introducing the Bread Helmet Tactical! Now with rails!
{Salamander} Oh shi…
{Stingray} Mount a light on your helmet so you can see incoming rocks even in darkness!
***Salamander grabs some smaller rocks.
{David} anyone have anything to say about this S&W Sigma 9mm?? http://gunsforsale.com/smith-wesson-sigma-9mm-stainless-black-220025?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_campaign=92e9929794-02-14-11-Newsletter&utm_medium=email
{Salamander} New Tactical BuckRock!
***Stingray tears off a long strip of parchment paper
{Stingray} Add a trauma plate now! Stop BuckRock cold!
***Salamander holds his rock sideways.
{Salamander} New Angled Fore Rock
{David} man, hard to get a question answered when you guys are in this mood
{Salamander} PERFECT FOR 3 ROCK COMPETITION
{Stingray} Coming 2nd quarter, JihadBoyz rock sights!
{Salamander} It’s good price David
{Stingray} Sal if you start pushing non-rock options I’m gonna put you on inventory duty.
{David} how about the gun itself?
{Salamander} Increase your accuracy with the new holorock
{Salamander} It’s a base level gun.
{Salamander} Some people hate them. I’m indifferent.
{Salamander} They work.
{Stingray} Certainly not up to the fine craftsmanship we have in these rocks. These rocks have been in development for millions of years, honing the design to perfection.
{David} I hope you’re not using the rocks in your head for this??
{Salamander} Get you Rock’s and Babe’s Calendars
{Salamander} Talk about sunni delight!
{Stingray} Note we have two versions of this calendar, one showing proper rock discipline and one with improper. For training purposes!
{Salamander} Finger off the thunk swicth plese.
{Stingray} Miss March is even training to be a geologist!
{David} shiite that’s a bad pun
{Salamander} lol
***Salamander paints a bunch of rocks black.
{Salamander} Tactical Rocks Now Available!
***daniels just finished up testing and photographing the new Ruger LC9
{David} do you a compact version?
***Salamander smashes the rock.
{David} for pocket concealment?
{Salamander} Yes.
{daniels} now to write up a review…
{Salamander} Deep Concealment Rocks!
***Stingray gets out the saran wrap
{Stingray} Full trauma plate too obvious? Try our level II concealable protection!
{Stingray} Nobody will know it’s there but you until you need it!
***Salamander boils rocks.
{Salamander} Anti Lvl II concealable armor Rocks now here!
{David} are you holsters “over the shoulder boulder holders”??
***Stingray cuts the top off a gallon jug
{Stingray} High capacity rock magazines! Get ‘em before they’re banned!
{Salamander} I wish I had thought of that David….
{David} lol
{Salamander} Brilliant Stinray, I’m selling rocks like hotcakes now
***Salamander glues rubber bands to rocks.
{Salamander} Single Point SLings now with every rock!
{Stingray} We’re starting to get a little low on inventory. How are receipts?
{Salamander} receipts?
{Salamander} uh.. Good!
{David} is that related to Singa*pore* Slings??
{Stingray} Sweet.
{Stingray} I’m gonna go restock, you keep moving product.
{David} I think this idea is dumber than a box of rocks
***Stingray wanders over next to the tank and picks up stuff that sold not two minutes ago.
{Salamander} USED ROCKS CHEAP!
{Salamander} I’m catching on…
{David} shouldn’t those be previously owned?
***Stingray mixes most of the used rocks in with the new stock and just leaves a few in the used pile. No sense making it look like nobody keeps our rocks.
{David} re-certified
{C-90_Fla} change to moo server,
{daniels} certified pre-owned rocks?
{Salamander} I cannot back these. These rocks are sold ‘as is’ sir.
{Stingray} They are considerably cheaper than our top end tactical rocks however, and almost certain to explode in your hands when used. You get what you pay for, sir.
{Salamander} How do I know you buy my rock, then return with another rock?
{David} should get some spanish rocks. Rocks of Gibraltar
{Salamander} ok, so we’re here and they’re on the moo server?
{David} I’m not on moo?
{Stingray} That seems to be the jist of it.
{Salamander} you are david
{Salamander} so am I
{Salamander} and You SR
{Salamander} hmm
{Stingray} It’s a conspiracy to stop our rock sales.
{David} and where is everyone else?
{David} I did notice the idlers list was much shorter than usual
{David} should have a squirrel mascot
{David} and maybe Moose
***Salamander files a little bit on a rock.
{Salamander} Custom Rocks, Delivered in 6 weeks.
———————

Yeah, god help us if anything serious comes along. Enjoy your weekend blasting airhorns in peoples windows because you have a right to buy and use an airhorn and they don’t have to like your right and if they don’t like your right they’re anti-airhorn bigots!

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