Whatever Would We Do Without More TSA Commentary?
Irradiated by Stingray
(Since Tam already stole the good title for this post. And yes, I’m starting things off with a multi-sentence parenthetical. Deal with it.)
Oh no, everybody break out your world’s smallest violin! TSA doesn’t like the grope-fests either!
The union reports that some members “have reported instances in which passengers have become angry, belligerent and even physical with TSOs (transportation security officers). In Indianapolis, for example, a TSO was punched by a passenger who didn’t like the new screening process,”
If any of the Indianapolis Mafia who pop in here happen to be able to locate this person, I will personally send a whole case of nerd beer to thank them. At the very least a gift certificate for a nice dinner somewhere. That person is probably going to spend the rest of his or her natural life in the Greybar Motel for daring to offend one of the masters, but the offer stands.
Union President John Gage called on TSA to provide an educational pamphlet to each passenger describing both their rights and the details of the new procedures, which include full-body scans and enhanced pat-downs. “This absence of information has resulted in a backlash against the character and professionalism of TSOs,”
Oh, our rights? You mean we didn’t give up all of them when we gave up a lot of rights by buying a ticket? I do not think “absence” means quite what you think it does, Comrade Gage. This backlash against the highly dubious character and utterly absent (see what I did there? Huh? Huh? High five!) professionalism of the TSOs is being fueled precisely because we’re getting more information about the performance art being foisted on us at taxpayer expense in the name of “making us safe.”
“Our concern is that the public not confuse the people implementing the policies with the people who developed the policies,” said Sharon Pinnock, the union’s director of membership and organization.
Ich habe nur Befehlen gefolgt! Ich habe nur Befehlen gefolgt!* Sell it somewhere else, Toots.
Some travelers have vowed to disrupt airport security Wednesday in a protest timed for the busiest travel day of the year, as millions of Americans fly off for annual family feasts.
“TSOs are trained security professionals,” Pinnock said. “Despite this call for chaos and disruption, it’s our belief that our members and people we represent will respond as the security professionals that they are.”
Y’know, I’m actually in 100% agreement that they will respond as the professionals that they are- petty thugs with delusions of adequacy, parodies of authority that even Cartman thinks are over the top, quislings lacking the common sense granted a simple turnip, and they will not take being challenged smoothly in stride. When an organization collectively lacks the simple common sense to step back and say “It’s just a pair of fingernail clippers. These are not a threat” and ignore a policy seventeen steps beyond idiotic, I do fully expect them to respond as the security professionals that they are.
When someone opts out of the X-ray scanners, they’re opting in for the pat-down,” Lewis said. “And once we explain what the pat-down is, you can’t go back and change your mind and say ‘OK, I’ll go through the scanner.’
Case in point.
Aviation and security blogger Steven Frischling said he has received comments from TSA front-line screeners complaining of verbal abuse.
Good.
Another said: “Being a TSO means often being verbally abused. You let the comments roll off and check the next person; however, when a woman refuses the scanner then comes to me and tells me that she feels like I am molesting her; that is beyond verbal abuse.”
No, you insipid little puddle of syphillis-infected clown semen, that is not beyond verbal abuse. Beyond verbal abuse is grabbing her breasts and crotch because she wouldn’t let your buddy look at her naked. Searching a prosthetic breast is beyond verbal abuse. Throwing a shit fit because the guy all the kids in special-ed thought was slow thought a nipple ring was the activation device to a bomb- AND THEN TRYING TO MAKE HER PULL THE FUCKING PIN- is beyond verbal abuse. You want beyond verbal abuse? Ask Breda about “beyond verbal abuse” and then quit your sniveling and whinging, you miserable little toad.
Pistole noted that those getting body searches constitute “a very small percent” of the 34 million people who have flown since the new policy went into effect.
The obligatory depressing part. Just lie back, think of England, and it’ll be over soon is the attitude for most of the public.
“The thing to keep in mind is that stress affects screeners as much as it does travelers,” said Tom Murphy, director of the Human Resiliency Institute at Fordham University. Murphy has provided customer-service training to screeners at many U.S. airports. “While senior government officials explore how to achieve optimum security in less intrusive, and therefore less stressful, ways my recommendation to travelers is to try to see this from the screeners’ point of view.”
I can’t see it from their point of view, I can’t find my lobotomy pick.
Winch says the best thing TSA administrators can do for employees doing enhanced pat-downs is to provide an extra layer of managerial and supervisory support.
Oh good. More management always helps. Especially government management.
Stewart Baker, who worked at the Department of Homeland Security as its first secretary of policy under President George W. Bush, suspects the new security protocols and the aggressive reaction of some passengers is hurting TSA morale.
I seem to recall the TSA had some advice for people who don’t like the procedures. Something along the lines of “If you don’t like it, don’t fly.” Will someone else desperate for a job step in and fill the slot? Yes they will. But then it becomes their problem to reconcile with the fact that sexually molesting people leads to negative backlash. And maybe they’ll be of less robust stamina and will perform their own opt-out.
“TSA has made a lot of progress in training its officers to be professional even in the face of unhappy passengers, but the latest protocols — and press coverage of the most inflammatory stories — have led to a much higher level of hostility,” said Baker.
“Instead of making this Wednesday National Opt-Out Day in which a bunch of self-appointed guardians of liberty slow down the line for everyone by asking for pat-downs,” said Baker, “maybe what we need is a day when everyone who goes through the line says, ‘Thanks for what you do.’ ”
Die in a fucking fire, you affront to decency, you worthless drip from the ass of an incontinent hippopotamus, you festering abscess on the body of human dignity.
*Marko, Christina, any other German-speakers in the audience, if I fubar’d that too badly I’d be obliged of the correct version in comments or where ever. Fixed thanks to Marko. Danke.
November 23rd, 2010 at 4:27 pm
+1, amen, etc.
“Nur die folgenden Bestellungen”, however, means “Only the following orders”, and “Bestellung” means “order” as in ordering a beverage at the restaurant. The phrase you want is “Ich habe nur Befehlen gefolgt” (I was only following orders), or “Ich folge nur Befehlen” (I am only following orders). “Befehl” means a military/official order.
I’ll stop being a language pedant now. Nobody likes *those*.
November 23rd, 2010 at 5:16 pm
While were on the subject of harsh-sounding languages:
“Instead of making this Wednesday National Opt-Out Day in which a bunch of self-appointed guardians of liberty slow down the line for everyone by asking for pat-downs,” said Baker, “maybe what we need is a day when everyone who goes through the line says, ‘Thanks for what you do.’ ”,
That brings to mind the worst insult in the Klingon language, which is “Tokhe straav'”….”Willing Slave”.
November 23rd, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Likewise well said! They just don’t get it; it isn’t that they’re not doing their jobs well enough, it is that the whole process is rotten from the bottom up.
My take.
Jim
November 23rd, 2010 at 6:55 pm
I opted-out two weeks ago and am opting-out again next week. I’m opting-out of xrays, pat-downs, lines, more lines, lines again, and still more lines.
I’ve stopped flying for business.
I’m taking a 7 hour one-way drive. The closest I get to being treated like a criminal is by a highway patrol cruiser on the side of the road with a radar gun. Cruise-control keeps us both comfortable.
I get real food when I want it and don’t have to share my seat with anyone. No fights for overhead, no cramped sitting because my gear is blocking my feet. I get to listen to my music as loud as I want.
The best part? The total cost for the trip is less than the airline ticket plus the extra charges and I get reimbursed for mileage.
Two weeks ago I stopped at a farm stand and picked up fresh apples that we’re having in a pie on Thursday.
Imagine what it would be like if we protested by simply not showing up anymore.
November 23rd, 2010 at 7:46 pm
The TSA- the gum on the bottom of the boot stomping on a human face forever.
November 23rd, 2010 at 8:52 pm
“…self-appointed guardians of liberty slow down the line ”
This asshat actually thinks he is doing the right thing on some level, doesn’t he? That shit terrifies me.
Yes, by all means just cooperate, it isn’t that bad to have your enumerated rights violated by a fucking high school dropout on a powertrip. Why the fuck have we, as a society, allowed fucksticks like this propagate the idea that cooperation and compromise (where “compromise” is doing what they tell you) is noble, righteous, and correct; but dissenting is all kinds of icky double-plus-ungood?
Dear lord I want to watch as aggrieved citizens grab that cockwaffle and explain to him that all true guardians of liberty are self appointed.
In any self respecting culture this fucker would be publicly flogged for his complicity in the outright violation of citizens that haven’t been charged with a crime.
November 24th, 2010 at 6:40 am
[…] Poor babies. […]
November 24th, 2010 at 7:53 am
We are not “…self-appointed guardians of liberty”. Our rights were given to us by God and preserved in the Constitution. If you don’t like the U.S. Constitution there are a lot of countries that you can go live in that don’t have it.
November 24th, 2010 at 8:16 am
@Stevea: Who is John Galt?
November 24th, 2010 at 8:19 am
Mister V: Awesome. I’m totally stealing that line.
Nerds: You seem to have a missing close blockquote tag in your post somewhere around “Y’know, I’m actually in 100% agreement that they will respond as the professionals that they are”.
Also, ++
November 24th, 2010 at 8:38 am
” When an organization collectively lacks the simple common sense to step back and say “It’s just a pair of fingernail clippers.””
Ahaha…reminds me of a PSA in Ratchet and Clank 3. “Welcome to Zeldrin Starport. Due to increased security, thermonuclear warheads and nail clippers are no longer accepted in carry-on baggage.”
Seriously, though, these guys are whining little wussies with only a single brain cell to share between ALL of them. What part of “force people to be seen naked/groped = people get REALLY PISSED OFF” do they not understand? I can’t believe people can be THAT publicly stupid…
November 24th, 2010 at 10:18 am
I’m sorely tempted to stand on the sidewalk outside the ticketing terminal and hold up a big sign that reads:
TSA: If you don’t like the new procedures, don’t show up at the airport.
I’ll leave it to the reader to determine whether the message is from TSA or to TSA.
November 24th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Squid: That would actually be worth putting money together to rent billboard space for. A billboard proclaiming that on both directions of the freeway leading to the airport would probably get you in some manner of trouble, but whatever the manner it would be the noble sort of trouble.
November 24th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Thanks, Perl. Firefox added the missing > to the tag automagically and I didn’t see it in the proofreading.
November 24th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Flying in spite of I-E-P-D
Repeated Insolent Effrontery and Provocative Denial of rights by TSA agents is self-evidently required and encouraged by agency bureaucrats. (Can’t call them “leaders”, at least not the type defined by military tradition.) Res ipsa loquitur states that the elements of duty of care and breach can be sometimes inferred from the very nature of the accident, even without direct evidence of how any defendant behaved. Upon a proof of res ipsa loquitur, the plaintiff need only establish the remaining two elements of negligence—namely, that the plaintiff suffered damages, of which the accident was the legal cause. So … Has anyone sued an individual TSA agent, and his or her entire supervisory chain, and an airline, and airport management, for loss of reputation, or infection, or …. yet? Any Pro Bono lawyers want to gamble time against a probable HUGE jury award?
November 25th, 2010 at 7:48 am
“I’ll stop being a language pedant now. Nobody likes *those*”
Some of us do. Public schools certainly did not teach me to use the language properly, so my primary method now is to pay attention to those who point out my mistakes.
November 25th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Love the post and the as- always brilliant language. As Libby says “tell us what you REALLY think” (;-)
November 26th, 2010 at 1:10 am
When this all started back on 01 i stated that if you give someone (TSA Agent) who was working at Mcdonalds or Wal-Mart last week a white shirt. black tie, and little authority things go to hell in a handbasket real quick. Many are now fully ingrained on the gubmint tit whcih makes them more fearless. I will submit however, when asked. My only hope is that feeling up a 50 plus year old fat man is more traumatic for them than me.
November 28th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Safety is necessary but there are obvious interruptions with the proficiency of individual air-ports. Things accidently get left inside purses etc and never identified by screeners and other big mistakes that may cost us our lives! We have political figures asking for restrictions on the amount of people that receive pat downs and tests, of which accomplishes nothing! It ought to be all or not any! It would seem to me that the old method seemed to be working, so why did they change it out!