Atomic Nerds

- Even if you have a professional photographer, when the scene most requires a photograph, you will not be able to take a picture. Case in point: when the storytelling Cajun is reaching the dramatic climax of the story involving the chicken rendering plant, and an intent Russian stalks purposefully around behind him bearing a suppressed black rifle with laser sights, you will not be able to document the scene for posterity even if you fully intend to leave the CIA out of it. When you CAN photograph it, you will not be able to share the evidence with the public. This includes the scene with the pie and the dumbo octopus kiss and the one with the double rainbow and the re-enactment with many more firearms and much more camp.

- Breakfast should involve at least five thousand calories, two hours, and a flat minimum of five conversations running in parallel.

- Spending your weekends brewing rather than shooting will damage your range prowess but WILL make you popular.

- You will not be able to predict which beer you need three batches of and which you need one. Even if you have data from last year and it’s the same two recipes. That one set was drunk during a cold snap in November and one during a heat wave in August probably had a great deal to do with this.

- Accidental IPAs make giants happy. Should you ever find yourself contemplating an exceptionally large beanstalk, make sure you bring along a case of something you had to make at least three substitutions to the plan and an emergency beer store run to produce.

- Always bring twice as many antihistamines as you think you will need and four times as much water. Fewer books, though, if you have more time to read than it takes to go from “overstimulated” to “ready to sleep” something has gone wrong.

- If you are fair of skin and rosy of cheek, even multiple applications of SPF 100 will not save you from sunburn if your sun exposure consists of the bulk of daylight hours over four days. Try not to shoot the other bastards that burn once and then turn melanistic. If you want an environment your genotype suits, move to Norway.

- Yes, the elephant gun kicks. It still hurts less than a .38 airweight snub-nosed revolver. At least until you take the rifle away from your shoulder. That’s a pretty shade of purple, though, isn’t it?

- Even if you are a frosty hard-nosed introvert, given a motivation you still have the capacity to be warm and mushy. Maybe not in front of a camera though.

- Someone else always has a better story than you. Finding this out is a fun and time-consuming process.

- Goodbye will take half an hour or more and will still feel cut short. You will miss a few people on the last round of hugs.

- It will take more than one day to recover. Possibly more later due to this factor, perhaps not…

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