Starbucks Support Day? Really?
Irradiated by Stingray
I’m all down with showing the love to companies who don’t treat gun owners like pariahs (and how sad is it that simple civility is the gold standard?), but this “chat up the barista about your heater” notion is the stupidest thing I’ve heard outside an Obama press conference. Breda covers it nicely. Ignoring the fact that by going to Starbucks you’re buying what is either the worst coffee in the world, just made standardized, or the most embarrassing caffeine delivery system ever, I wonder how often the conversation is going to go more like this than whatever “Baristas make policy” version went through the heads of whoever came up with this….
Customer McHeatertoter: “Please know I’m here because firearm owners across the country want to show Starbucks our appreciation for your decision not to ostracize customers who own and carry guns.”
Minimum Wage Counterjockey: “Ohmigod! You have a gun! Are you robbing me!?”
CMcH: “What? No, I just wanted you to know that gun owners- ”
MWC: “Don’t hurt me! I can’t open the safe! Brad is the manager because he showed up on time for three weeks straight but he’s out back taking the trash out and I can give you a pastry if you don’t hurt me and ohmigodidontwanttodie!”
CMcH: “You don’t understand, I’m thanking Starbucks on behalf of gun owners who carry”
MWC: “*blubbering* And I only got this job because my parents said a music major didn’t mean they’d keep refilling my iTunes card every week and I don’t have the keys to the safe but Brad forgets them a lot too please don’t hurt me mister why isn’t anyone helping me oh god I don’t want to die please mister!”
CMcH: “But I’m here because I like your policies about-”
MWC: “I DON’T MAKE POLICY I MAKE SHITTY COFFEE PLEASE DON’T KILL ME I CAN’T OPEN THE REGISTER!”
CMcH: “…I’ll just go now.”
MWC: “Oh thank God! Thank you for not hurting me oh thank God I swear I won’t call the police oh thank you I don’t want to die!”
….
….
Brad: “Hello, Police?”
Mayhaps a letter to the regional offices might be more effective?
February 16th, 2010 at 11:57 am
You may be pleased to learn that I nearly blew chicken sandwich on my keyboard.
Jim
February 16th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Holy Crap. I’ve got tears of laughter running down my face. I’m a non-gunny; if you want to carry yours around (which is considerably more difficult to do legally in my state than some), that’s fine by me. But I don’t need to know. Especially at the coffeeshop. Which for me means Dunkin’ Donuts. Starbucks is quite possibly the worst coffee I’ve ever tried.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I think that I damaged an important internal organ from laughing so hard. Starbucks is great for not ostracizing us, yeah, but I’m not going into one of their locations to start talking about having guns. Like I need help ostracizing and worrying complete strangers.
February 16th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
You’ve convinced me … and made me laugh.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Agreed on the Starblechs experience. But to celebrate their stand I had a frappuchino after a hard day at the gun show. I’m glad I don’t have to go there again. But I’m drawing the line there. Even if Ronald McDonald cuts down The Burger King with an MP5 and a flawless tactical reload, I’m not gonna eat that crap!
February 16th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Sadly, you’re probably dead on the money… Anyway, I refuse to darken their doorstep, much less pay that much money for burnt coffee and a bad attitude…
February 16th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
I kinda like Starbucks coffee: until they came around the only commercial coffee I could find tasted like dishwater (most restaurants and chains), tasted like dishwater with a side order of patriot jizz (Tim Horton’s), or tasted pretty decent but cost eight bucks (“specialty” coffee shops, which mostly sold yuppies a chance to show off how affluent and cultured they were). And yeah… if you were going to select for people least likely to be receptive to your Second Amendment arguments, I’d expect that Starbucks baristas would be right up there with bong-blowers and New York congresscritters.
February 16th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
Between Antibubba and Stingray, I laughed so hard I’m fairly sure I sprained a testicle. (Anyone know how to get beer spew out of a laptop?)
In addition to being uproariously funny, this is also a great PSA for the gun-toting crowd. Sometimes we forget just how insanely hoplophobic people can be, and the above scenario is, sadly, fairly likely to occur. I’d like to think most of the Starbucks employees would employ a modicum of common sense, but all it takes is one frightened coffee jockey and we’re in a whole big mess of unintended consequences.
We should all write to the main office, but please, folks-don’t make the baristas nervous.
February 17th, 2010 at 7:29 am
Interesting hypothesis. Do you have any hard data you would like to share with us which supports your conclusion?
February 17th, 2010 at 8:56 am
[...] are less than enthused about the idea of showing thanks to Starbucks by going there and telling them [...]
February 17th, 2010 at 9:18 am
Joe: Only in the fact that “data” is the plural of “anecdote”. I’m something of an anomaly in the tattooed and gun-happy, but walking up to some J. Q. Random with a stretched earlobe and spike in his/her/whocantell chin does not lead to conversations that involve sentiments like “Ohmigod! You’re totally right! I love the glock, but the 1911 does offer such mechanical advantages that…..” or “Well I see the historical appeal, but modern polymer design implies…..”
Let me flip that around. Do you have any hard data that supports your conclusion that generic minimum wage pastry-pusher makes policy? Or will even report on the sort of approach you’ve advocated beyond a comment to friends while on break along the lines of “Yeah, this one weirdo came in and started trying to tell me about guns. Worse than the damn Jehova’s Witness last week.” ?
February 17th, 2010 at 11:22 am
I kind split the difference the other day. I filled out a comment card thanking Starbucks for not discriminating, and told the barristas they could read it if they wanted to before sending it on. By the time they would have seen the part about firearms I was sitting in the corner reading a book, and it would have been pretty hard to misinterpret me as a threat to anybody (I was CC’ing, so no visible weapons). By using the comment card I also made sure my opinion wouldn’t be misquoted or badly paraphrased when it was passed to the Powers That Be, as well as being far less likely to be forgotten altogether. When I left the store, about an hour later, I got a friendly wave.
February 17th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Starbucks really sells MILK, the coffee-bit is just an expensive flavor additive. Out here in the BayArea where practitioners of Open Carry freaked-out the Corporate Milk-Wieners we are grateful for this minor non-discrimination acknowledgement, especially since the other Baristaville, Peete’s Coffee, has chosen to get all wigggy and bedwetty with the hoppin’ hoplophobes.
BTW & FYI - there are no Dunkin’ Donuts in California. Nowhere. Zip. Nada. They fled in the great panic of 1999 or so…
February 17th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Aside from the crappy coffee, you know what else I can’t stand about Starbucks? They insist on writing your name on your cup. I have an unusual name, & I don’t like having to repeat it over and over and then spell it a bunch of times just so some barista can personalize my disposable cup. I am not five freaking years old, just give me my damn coffee.
Also? It’s a LARGE, not a venti. Give me a break.
February 17th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
I have sample size of one so far. And that was in North Central Idaho. So I’m not exactly ready for my paper to be reviewed by my peers. I’ll do some more research on the topic in the Seattle area before Sunday.
Will you be collecting more data as well?
As far as the body art types and guns I know some that have attended Boomershoot (and falling into the TMI category one of them claimed to have multiple penis piercings). And some of the most “liberal looking” people I know turned out to strong gun rights advocates. Although I agree there is a stereotypical look for gun owners and anti-gun owners I also know of some surprising exceptions to those stereotypes. Sort of like the sterotypes for gays.
February 18th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Yes all you said was very funny, but if you do not aim better you will miss the target because you are laughing. The target is that we should actually get through to Starbucks in a way that will truly have meaning for them. While writing letters to Starbucks Corporate HQ will help and therefore should be done, something else will be much more effective without a doubt.
So, I will most assuredly let the counter help know why I am there next time I have a cup of coffee there, which will be later today. I will also let the store manager know why I am there and make sure he knows I just spent money there. I will spend money there regularly and tell the manager regularly why I have chosen Strabucks in which to spend my money.
Money talks better than all the letters you can write to their corporate headquarters and when managers have regional sales meetings and start telling each other how many people came in saying they were spending money because Starbucks does not penalize legal gun owners - well, those regional bosses will talk to the state bosses and up the chain. Someone will note that sales have increased while all those gun owner letters are coming I and that will really make them pay attention to us. Money is what makes the world go round whether you believe it or not, and customers spending money in their stores is what makes retailers happy. If we spend enough and let them know why we are spending in Starbucks that is when Starbucks may change their tune and actually come up with a gun friendly policy as opposed to a neutral one that they have now.
All the best,
Glenn B
February 19th, 2010 at 11:20 am
They always misspell my name. I think the naming policy is just a way for Management to impose some behavioral artifact on the counter-staff.
But I never buy their plain old coffee - I can make that better at home anytime, what I get is usually a double espresso - which I can also make at home…