A Brief Meditation On Masculinity
Irradiated by LabRat
Although it is not any date or occasion on which I’m normally inspired to apply a fresh coat of butter to my other half, I’ve run across just about enough of a certain genre of writing that makes me really, really appreciate something about Stingray that I’m increasingly coming to realize is not sufficiently common a virtue among men.
For as long as I’ve known him, he has always acted as though it were a long-since forgone conclusion that his testicles came factory-equipped and were, are, and ever shall be firmly attached to his body, no matter what happens short of a purely literal castration event.
He doesn’t feel the need to check and see if they are still there, or re-bolt them back on later if he is served an egg pie. The presence of homosexual men within his zip code, or even living room, does not cause him to curl into the fetal position and cradle them lest they scamper off over the horizon. He can wash his face with something gentler and more scented than a bar of lava soap and still rest so secure in the assumption that the testosterone-producing apparatus that will still require him to shave it the next morning is still hanging in there that he needn’t even make a few precautionary laps around the block in a pickup. Likewise he seems entirely capable of trying new and different things without needing to look up their gendered implications in a checklist or guide before deciding whether he enjoyed it or not.
More that that, he also takes it for granted that I don’t have the power to affect the security of that oneness with his nuts, at least with anything more metaphorical than boltcutters. “Allowing” me to use the remote to channel-surf or drive a car with him in the passenger seat or contradict him in public does not seem to cause any state of gender crisis whatsoever. While we’ve had the same conflicts all couples do, the stated problem has never been that I am in any way threatening, undermining, or making off with his masculinity in the middle of the night just by going around having two X chromosomes and a mind and will independent of his.
A great many self-advertised Real Men appear to be quite adamant on the point that Real Men DO worry about these kinds of things and you cross them at your peril (lest they slap the ovaries back into you, or something)- to which I’ll simply note that all the other brands I know of that market themselves as Real Noun- such as Realtree and RealDoll- are explicitly about being the absolute most real-looking fake that can be conjured. Apparently for some, the only possible reason you wouldn’t be vigilantly guarding the integrity of your testicles from any and all existential threat must be that you have given them away.
Thankfully for womankind or at least that slice of it represented by me, there is a third option*.
*Nothing worth linking to specifically set me off. More like the effect of the last retarded little snowflake that sets off the avalanche of all those previous.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:29 am
I’m confused. That isn’t normal behavior for men now? I thought that kind of insecurity died out a couple of decades ago, and only existed on TV now.
I guess I’ve found another area where I’m guilty of projection, right up there with thinking racism doesn’t really exist anymore.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
There’s a helluva lot more of us than the media would have you believe, that’s for darn sure…
November 18th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
( Rustler’s Rhapsody ) You have to be a confident heterosexual … (/ Rustler’s Rhapsody )
November 18th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Conversely, Stingray must be awfully happy that you aren’t hell-bent on turning him into Percy Q. Milquetoast so that you won’t be embarrassed to death to introduce him to all your high-society friends. I think a lot of masculine defense mechanisms sprout up because there’s this vibe floating around that manly men are somehow wrong and awful, and shouldn’t be accepted in polite society.
I consider myself very fortunate to be in a marriage much as you describe. I suppose it helps that I married something of a tomboy.
November 18th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Y’all communicate and trust each other… THAT is why it works…
November 18th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
I’ve dealt with a few who don’t seem to “get” what being comfortable as a male really means.
Stingray (from what you describe) has that comfort (and confidence). unfortunately, he IS in the minority.
Now, you just have to get him in a kilt… >:)
November 19th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Ok you had your say . oO( isnt that cute ?) Now get back in the kitchen where women belong .
I just hide behind the big berm now , it should be bullet proof .
November 19th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Well, I always drive when my wife and I are out. Frankly, I’m very uncomfortable if I’m not driving. It matters not if I’m with my wife or anyone else. It’s a personal quirk.
November 19th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Farm.dad: If Labrat can buy the ammo, she can use my Lahti to test out this “bullet proof” assumption …
November 19th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Kris: Do you really have one of those? Can we get some real explosive 20mm? (Assuming that we pay the Destructive Device tax for each round, not wishing to get crossways with the Feds!)
November 19th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Yes I really own one.
HE 20x138b doesn’t exist, as far as I know, so the rounds are just ammo as far as the BATF is concerned. Bloody hard to find these days, unfortunately. Might have to just give up and sell it, or convert it to 20 Vulcan.
When buying, be sure not to get italian 20×107 Solothurn S-100 ammo … different stuff.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Farm.dad, remember where they live, and what that town’s famous for. I dinnae think a berm’s going to be much help…
November 24th, 2009 at 5:03 am
Well said and amen, sister! This message is sorely needed to counteract all the stupid gendered advertising and cultural stupidity going around. A secure and confident man is so much more appealing than an insecure asshole who is constantly checking every action against the imaginary “bro” meter. Your other half sounds like a great guy and you obviously appreciate him…cheers to you both!