Atomic Nerds

Some of you have probably noticed the link over in the sidebar to CrossFit. While we’ve slid off the religious schedule and generally slacked our way through the hottest months, favoring old fashioned manual labor, we still like the program overall, and appreciate the emphasis on functional strength and conditioning rather than sculpting very large muscles that aren’t so much for using as they are simply for aesthetics. On the other hand, nothing is perfect, and the normally sane (more or less) folks at CrossFit took a turn into left field the other day.

In order to keep things interesting, and to keep folks from falling into a rut and getting bored with the workout program, CrossFit is organized into Workouts Of the Day, or WODs. These vary from running 5k or so, to a maximum effort day in which you try to find your physical limits at some particular weight lift, such as the deadlift or various olympic lifts (the reasoning being that these stress more muscles at once rather than taxing exclusively a very small set of one or two muscles). Last Tuesday, however, the workout was something called “virtual shoveling.” The description from CrossFit’s site:

“With an Olympic bar holding only one plate (men use 45 pound plate, women use 25 pound plate), touch the plate on one side of the barrier then the other for one “rep.” Barrier is 24.””

Apparently we weren’t slacking off the program after all. Except ours was called, simply, “shoveling.” This led to an interesting exchange with some folks I chat with around the virtual water cooler most days.

“Wait, the workout was shoveling?! Damn, apparently I’m still on the program. What else have they included? Virtual wood-splitting? ‘Cause I’m a champ there too.”
“Dude, you’re a homeowner. What do you expect? And virtual firewood is called ‘turn up the thermostat.’ ”
“I expect I can start writing my own workouts any day now. ‘For time, spade fertilizer into a 30’x30′ section of land.’ ‘Spread four yards of gravel over the driveway. Alternate by sprinting after the dog who has stolen your gloves when you stopped for water.’ ‘The concrete truck is due in 20 minutes. Dig the four postholes to a depth of two feet before it arrives since you couldn’t dig in the pouring rain yesterday.'”
“That gravel one does sound like a pretty standard WOD…”
“Move four three-foot diameter basalt boulders to your parent’s house without destroying the bed of the truck.”
“You’re getting a little carried away.”
“‘Hoist and carry one 50’x6′ roll of chainlink uphill a distance of 50 yards because the truck won’t fit to drive it there. Do not accept assistance or your mother will be upset that you put any load on your father’s strained back.’ ‘Mix 8 80-lb sacks of concrete by hand, before the rain. Transport the results uphill to 2′ deep holes at 8′ intervals. Use your judgment as to how. No motors or electricity permitted.'”
“Remind me never to buy a house.”
“And I haven’t even described the drywall exercises yet. Chicken.”

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