Archive for October, 2008

Search Term Safari Odyssey

October 23, 2008 - 4:56 pm Comments Off

With a quiet day at the Nerd Ranch, increasing burnout from politics, and just plain nothing interesting going on at the moment, we bring you the following blatant ripoff of loving homage to Marko, where I will make fun of the words people entered into search engines to arrive at this site.

who works at the black hole surplus store & museum in los alamos

Ed Grothus, and it’s a junk shop, not a museum. You can find more information about Ed by looking up words like “hypocrite” or “filthy idiot hippy”.

attomic dog show

Great, first the atomic bees started breathing, now we’ve got dogs that are so atomic they need an extra T, and they’ve already organized shows? I swear, if I get roped into grooming for this, it will not end well.

ironkey sucks

Nuh-uh! You suck!

doqz

Over here.

super hyper obese nerd

Here you go.

fuck

Hrm, maybe I should watch my language a bit after all.

babeons

Easier to produce than the Higgins-Bosom particle, but generally considered less stable overall. The two available charges are “natural” and “surgical.”

nerd things to do at home

Ok, we’re going to need a soldering iron, a couple screwdrivers, a bottle of vodka, half a case of comic books, and more insurance. Still on board?

mutate the labrat game

I’ve got a bucket of cesium and a pair of dice. Let’s do this!

los alamos controlled burn pros and cons

I’m thinking mostly cons.

That concludes today’s display of writer’s block. Tune in tomorrow when we try to come up with something not made of fluff and fill!

False Flags

October 22, 2008 - 6:08 pm Comments Off

Have you ever wondered why we dye butter and cheese yellow or orange? This isn’t merely a common cosmetic convention- this was so important to dairy consumers that for years (and up until very recently in Quebec) there were laws in many states (backed by dairy companies) dictating that margarine could not be colored, or instead, that it be dyed pink. As you know if you were ever given the task as a kid to make butter from a carton of cream and a Mason jar, butter isn’t yellow either- like untreated margarine, it’s white, the color of all plain, homogenous fats. So what’s up with the yellow? Why is this so attractive to consumers?

If you guessed that the answer winds down eventually to “evolution”, you know me well. Have a cigar! Or a Kewpie doll, if you don’t smoke.

Although the sensory hardware in biological organisms can be extremely complex- for example, recent research is showing the sense of smell to be based on a sort of rough-and-ready molecular spectrometry that actually analyzes the molecular vibration frequency of compounds to determine what they should report them to the brain as- the level of analysis is much less so. The difference between a smell like caraway seeds and a smell like spearmint might actually be determined by the handedness (left-right orientation) of a molecule, but you don’t know that- you only know that they smell different, and that if you were choosing a candy, you’d rather have the spearmint.

This is because, rather than bog your brain down with the informational equivalent of a dense laboratory report for every sight, sound, or smell, it’s much simpler to connect your reactions and preferences to some obvious feature that tends to be strongly associated in the environment with something the body needs. You don’t look at a strawberry and think “My, I’d bet that berry is just full of valuable sugars, anti-oxidants, soluble fiber, and micronutrients”; you think “that looks juicy and sweet”. Given that the entire purpose of fruits for plants is enticing animals to eat them and thus enlist for seed-dispersal services, fruits have evolved to be visually distinctive and to be full of attractants meant to give the animal some kind of a payoff for bothering; thus, they tend to be bright colors or distinctive shapes or both, and they tend to come loaded with a biological bribe in form of sugars and nutrients.

Since brightly colored round objects that are sweet tend to only be applicable to fruits in a pre-agricultural, pre-civilization landscape, it was simplest for our brains to assume bright and sweet = something valuable that we should seek out and favor. Now that we’ve had several thousand years to innovate and get creative with our food, and discover the concept of “marketing”, we have things like the jelly bean- all the bright color and sweet flavor that our brains tell us is so desirable, but not a scrap of anything all that uniquely valuable to us, unlike the berry it’s passing itself off as to the brain. In fact, it’s even better than the berry- more of the payoff with less likelihood of the mild bitter flavors that the plant puts in the berry to ward off undesirables and preserve the berry better, and whose general flavor class we associate with poisonous things. Of course, it has almost none of the nutritional value of the berry, just simple sugars that modern humans already tend to get way too much of, but that’s not important to your brain’s simplified sense of “good”.

In the environment of evolutionary adaptedness that biologists, anthropologists, and nutritionists hung up on this concept like to reference, salty and fatty flavors were associated almost exclusively with meat, and not just meat, but the highest-quality parts. Wild carnivores (and ancient human hunter-gatherer cultures that have decided this Western civlization business is for obese blowhards) don’t go for the skeletal muscle meats first. In a wild animal, those are a nice store of protein, but not nearly as good a source for valuable fats and nutrients as the organ meats. They go for the really good parts- the liver, which stores a lot of glucose and fat and is stuffed with vitamins, the brain, and all the other “good for you” wobbly bits disdained by children everywhere. Human technology has distilled this salty, fatty incentive into the pork rind, among other things.

So what of the butter, and the cheese? Aren’t they white, without chemical treatment? The answer is that they are now- but not for the vast majority of humanity’s time with dairy animals, which were among the first domesticated, after the dog. I’m getting to it…

In order to produce more meat with less cost in time and space, the vast, vast majority of livestock are now raised in various industrial conditions, and fed on grain. The animals are not as healthy or as durable on this diet- ruminants like cows especially tend to be chronically ill on that starch-rich diet*- but it’s much more cost-effective overall, and has been one of the things that has made meat such a cheap and normal part of the diet in an affluent first-world society. A common vegetarian ethical and environmental objection to meat is that you waste resources by feeding an animal on grain rather than just eating the grain- but that isn’t so on the traditional method for raising cattle, sheep, and goats, which was pasturing them and letting them eat grass, a substance largely worthless to humans except in an ornamental or erosion-preventing capacity.

Since nutritionists figured out that the differences between fats are important, and that some of them are extremely important to us because we can’t produce them ourselves, the “essential fatty acid” has entered the average health-conscious American’s lexicon. Since one of the two, omega-6 fatty acids, are really very common in any carnivore’s diet, the less common, the omega-3 fatty acid, has become the latest nutritional holy grail. Since omega-3 is relatively uncommon except in certain kinds of nuts and seeds and seafood, especially salmon, after the importance of the omega-3 came to prominence, fish oil supplements (of which you must choke down thousands of milligrams daily for efficacy) have invaded the shelves, salmon steaks are in demand, and everybody that wants to get a premium for their food has been pumping extra omega-3 into it, whether it’s in a form that can actually be used by the eater or not.

Since the omega-3 fatty acid’s importance to brain development and function was learned, it even created a problem for anthropologists working to piece together human evolution- if we need this stuff so badly to make big brains, and the story of hominid evolution is increasingly big brains, how could we have evolved and survived on prairies, savannahs, plains, and other areas that weren’t directly coastal? We know from shell middens that hominids of all sorts liked seafood, but it seemed like there were too many inland populations for it all to make sense.

The problem for the anthropologists was that the societies that produce anthropologists, and the chemists that are able to analyze the ratios of various different kinds of fats in a nicely marbled piece of steak, are the same societies that had long since upgraded to the efficient industrial model of livestock keeping. The average supermarket steak doesn’t have enough omega-3 in it to explain how hominids got eggheaded chasing buffalo with spears instead of salmon with fishing hooks- but pastured beef**, and wild game meats from other grazing animals, do. The chemical toolkit to make them is found in chloroplasts- in the grass that a grazing animal consumes bucketloads of.

What does any of this have to do with yellow butter and cheese? Dairy milk is influenced heavily in chemical composition and flavor by the diet of the animal making the milk- and it was long recognized in agricultural societies that used dairy products that the butter and cheese made during the spring and summer, when the cows and goats and sheep and water buffalo were enjoying the richest pasture and browse, was infinitely superior to the winter dairy made when the animals were being fed on hay and grain- and that summer dairy IS yellow with no dye whatsoever required. Why? The omega-3s that make it into the milk as well as the meat- they give an overall yellow tint to the fats they’re blended with. The higher the percentage of omega-3s, the stronger the yellow tint grows and edges toward orange. If you see omega-3 eggs in the grocery store, which are created by giving chickens feed heavy in the high-omega-3 grain flax seed, their yolks are bright orange.

With biological evolution prodding us toward the intense yellow or yellow-orange egg yolk, and cultural evolution prodding us toward the yellow butter and the most intensely yellow cheeses as the best-quality, without realizing it we have innovated to entice our senses with the implicit promise of value yet again: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and the Kraft Single or Velveeta cube take their place next to the jellybean and the pork rind.

*You’ll note that horses, which are physiologically less committed to grass-eating than cows, are fed primarily on hay with a grain supplement. They’re required to be healthy and athletic to be useful, and too much grain makes them sick as well as fat. Cattle are supposed to be fat, and poor condition and immunity can be dealt with with lots of antibiotics…

**I don’t normally link to sites that are trying to sell something, but their list of citations is much more complete than I could find on any of the kinds of online web sources I prefer to link. Most of the material I originally read this in is printed on paper and sitting on my shelves.

Those Who Forget History…

October 21, 2008 - 1:28 pm Comments Off

…are apparently doomed to remind the rest of us about it inadvertantly. Seems the story du jour is over Joe “Don’t Mess Wit Mah Beretta, Yo” Biden all but promising to create by his lonesome an international crisis within the first six months of a Team Barry presidency. Y’know, like The Glorious Kennedy faced. But absolutely under no circumstances like what that evil Hitlerclone faced in the first eight weeks. No. Definitely not anything like that.

Granted, I think Bush flubbed that little test, but then my idea of a diplomatic solution after an enemy fighter rams “bumps” one of our flights and offers to send it home by UPS Ground one screw at a time, ask about the crew next month, is to park a couple of carrier groups right off the coast, a few battalions of ground forces nearby and a nice steady stream of B2s flying over Beijing toting the big firecrackers, but then I’m told I often lack subtlety.

You’d think for all the criticisms the left has piled on Bush in the last eight years, they could at least remember one of the valid ones. Then again, pointing out that Barry in the big chair would make for even more disastrous results than Bush in this particular stripe might have just managed to accidentally set off the “this is a bad idea” alarm somewhere in Barry’s ranks of politburo campaign advisors. Anyone want to bet on what he’d give up to the first pissant to come knocking? Rather than just let the commies crawl through our electronic spy gizmos, he can just fax over blueprints for the Seawolf subs or something.

Fillertastic!

October 20, 2008 - 8:09 pm Comments Off

We’ve been hit with a plague of allergies and lawyers, so it’s light content day. Have a picture of an insane siamese with a soda fort after the dogs brought in a bunch of mud.
dscn0520

Your Crapsack World

October 19, 2008 - 6:29 pm Comments Off

Via Smartdogs, the latest news from the front in the war against the antibiotic-resistant bacteria that now haunt hospitals and nursing homes is that they have a powerful new weapon- the shit transplant.

After I picked myself up off the ground, got back in my chair, and finished being outrageously pleased to live when and where I do so that this is the news I get to read over my morning beverage, it occurred to me that this is rather illustrative of something I think we could use more of in medicine- a greater evolutionary and ecological perspective.

Backing up for a minute, the reason the more politely named “stool transplant” was a procedure that occurred to anyone, and the reason it apparently has a very high success rate, is the circumstances that allow the drug-resistant bug in question- Clostridium difficile- to do its nasty work. C. diff, as it tends to be nicknamed, starts coming in and wrecking the place after the patient has been given antibiotics for some other reason; as many of you who have ever been put on a course of serious antibiotics know have discovered to their discomfort, the antibiotics tend to cause diarrhea. Why? Because the work we do in digesting our food isn’t all ours- our guts have massive and diverse colonies of bacteria that, rather than being undesirable invaders or freeloaders, actually help us digest our food. This is why lactose intolerance isn’t actually a true food allergy at all; lacking our own enzyme to digest lactose, the lactose-digesting bacteria in a normal gut colony suddenly get a banquet, and the resulting riot of activity (and the gas that is the byproduct of their metabolizing the lactose) causes problems, not the lactose itself.

When you take strong antibiotics, especially ones that are designed to hit just about anything bacterial in you, your garden of happy helpful gut flora is decimated- which leaves a sudden vacancy in the internal ecosystem that is you. With a sudden availability of resources and a lack of other residents protecting those resources in their various ways, what moves in next could be a lot less desirable and a lot less helpful- like C. diff, which will attack the gut so aggressively it can start breaking down intestinal walls. Think of it like the bacterial version of certain areas of post-Katrina New Orleans; move out the hardworking with a stake in preserving the quality and integrity of their community, and the predators and the scavengers will move in. The stool transplant works by a rough-and-ready fashion of moving the hardworking back in to retake the community- they are better at it, which was why they were dominant before the antibiotic wiped them out.

In a separate interview with the Washington Post that I now annoyingly can’t find again, Dr. Aas*, the pioneer of the procedure, said that he thinks of shit stool as an independent organ, like a kidney. While that’s certainly a helpful perpsective when it comes to next coming up with the idea of a transplant- a healthy organ brought in to help or replace a damaged one- I think the article I could link has it right: it’s an ecosystem. The first thing I thought of when I first read about the effects of antibiotics on a normal, healthy gut and the chaos that sometimes follows was the Crown-of-Thorns sea star, a species that’s just fine in a normal, undisturbed reef ecosystem, but will completely destroy it if its predators are overfished or agricultural runoff creates a nutrient bloom. This vulnerability of marginal or recently disturbed (or previously isolated) ecosystems to invasion and destruction by an opportunistic species is Ecology 101.

This phenomenon isn’t even the only example of health problems arising from a damaged internal ecosystem. Tooth decay is caused by a bacterial species that secretes acid when it eats the food particles and residue left behind on your teeth; too much sugar has roughly the same effect on it that the runoff-caused nutrient bloom has on the crown-of-thorns or the lactose has on the normal flora in a lactose-intolerant individual. Besides that, saliva normally keeps things at a pH that inhibits the bacteria- if you have a dry mouth (from any number of medical or drug-induced causes), you will be vastly more vulnerable to tooth decay. Likewise, the vagina is normally inhabited by an acid-loving species that keeps the place clean- when the pH balance shifts, as with too much douching or a hormonal change from birth control, the acid-lovers are weakened and opportunistic yeast and bacteria may move in**.

The phenomenon of widespread antibiotic resistance itself is a consequence of a lack of people in the appropriate places thinking in ecological and evolutionary terms; if you pour massive amounts of direct selective pressure on a group of organisms, especially organisms with a very short generational time, you produce organisms that are able to resist that pressure with incredible speed and across a wide variety of species. This, also, is Evolution 101. The fact that many antibiotics are derived from molds and fungus- natural predators of bacteria- doesn’t help. It should have been easily forseeable, but instead doctors gave out antibiotics to placate patients with a viral infection (or “just in case”) for decades, and the agricultural industry treated them as though they were a nutritional supplement. Natural selection was not foremost in anybody’s mind- though this might also be partly a consequence of the way people tend to not think about bacteria as organisms (Animalia prejudice), and also to think of medicine in terms of a sort of mechanical engineering rather than trying to beat biology itself at its own games.

As it stands, medical students are required to be conversant in a breathtaking number of biological and chemical disciplines- and evolution and ecology, as the business of the fellows out in the field chasing butterflies and classifying sea cucumbers, tend to get short shrift. Respect for evolution’s role in the proper education of a medical student- as the unifying theory of biology, in which medicine is rooted- is such that a university professor who declined to write a letter of recommendation to medical school for students who would not affirm evolution actually came under investigation by the Justice Department. Among the university’s defenses of the practice was that there were other professors who would be fine writing such a letter for a creationist student. As for ecology- not a damn bit of it makes sense except, in Dobzhansky’s words, “in light of evolution”.

*Yes, I know. This is the sort of thing that makes me question my atheism. It might well be pronounced “ayse” or “ahhs”, though.

**I once saw it seriously suggested that women prone to yeast infections make a frozen popsicle out of live-culture plain yogurt, which has a lot of acid-lovers, and… you see where I’m going with this.

Useless As Tits On A Bull

October 18, 2008 - 7:25 pm Comments Off

One of those basic little “why” science questions, right up there with “Why is the sky blue?” and “What makes a rainbow?” is “Why do men have nipples?”

The actual reason why is a look into one of those concepts of evolution that’s not always apparent in the lies-to-children version taught in high school biology: not every feature on an organism is there for something, or in response to some specific need. Evolution operates in a fashion that has a lot more to do with what materials are on hand and what saves energy than with what would be optimal to meet a specific purpose, so some features are there quite literally because it was simpler to have them there than it was not to.

All human fetuses start off sex-neutral (or, if you prefer, female, since the anatomy needs fewer modifications for a girl than a boy), and one of the reasons it’s actually possible to perform a sex-change surgery that leaves some sexual feelings completely intact is because all the relevant sexual structures develop out of the same “neutral” tissues and tubes. Since “male” and “female” were in the developmental blueprint of the critters that eventually formed the base of our lineage long before “mammal” was, nipples aren’t part of those sex-specific developmental tissues- mammary glands are modified sweat glands, in fact. A developing fetus gets nipples before it undergoes the stage of development that involves sexual differentiation; therefore, nipples are a unisex feature. Nipples are minimal-cost to develop and don’t tend to affect a male’s fitness in any fashion, and fetal development patterns are something that evolves very slowly because of the higher likelihood that a variation will be fatal: and thus men have nipples, although they’re useless.

There has been more than enough time for the body to make functional nipples into an apparently exclusive female thing, so that the hormonal changes of pregnancy also prime the maternal pumps and leave the lady overflowing by the time the hungry offspring makes his official debut. However, because so many things can go wrong with lactation, and because being able to lactate successfully is such a massively important thing for a female mammal, especially one whose offspring remains dependent on milk for a year or more, there are… backup systems in place. Specifically, the sort of nipple stimulation that frustrated suckling provides is an encouragement to the system to work harder at lactating.

You may recall that I made a point of clarifying that, structurally speaking, nipples are in no way a “female” thing, because it’s developmentally simplest to just stick them on both sexes and then tie all the hormonal primers to pregnancy. Likewise, for a prod like stimulation leading to lactation, it’s also simplest to just leave this as a unisex feature, given that men will almost certainly not be the targets and thus calorically expensive lactation won’t provide a fitness hit to males.

Leave it to humans to innovate. The hormonal stew that is childbirth has always produced a few babies of both sexes that had “witch’s milk”, lactation at birth, and a few hormonally-charged teenage boys* found themselves milky after playing with their nipples. Throw in treatments for testicular and prostate cancers that involve hormonal cocktails, and you have a sudden phenomenon of lactating men. Men don’t have the extra development of the whole production and delivery system that female mammals now enjoy after puberty, so it’s never as much as a woman could produce, and, I thought, never more than a trivial and biologically-fascinating amount.

As it turns out, I should never, ever underestimate this particular primate species. There is substantial interest… up to and including at least one father who managed to work up to enough milk to feed the child on his own. (And, possibly, one tomcat.)

We may have to dispense with the colorful simile I titled the post with… it may soon be obsolete.

*Fun fact: Testosterone is a simple chemical variation on estrogen, and when processed as “excess”, becomes estrogen. Thus the phenomenon of “bitch tits” in steroid-abusing bodybuilders and extra potential for weird hormonal hanky panky in adolescents.

Stabby Friday

October 17, 2008 - 4:28 pm Comments Off

Must be a phase of the moon thing or something. Tam pimps some knives, of the sort recently photographed by Oleg, and then just a little later Breda starts looking around at various bits of nifty steel, specifically something in the broad category of “boot knife.”

For that role, I’m partial to the Sog Mini-Pentagon (availible for a considerably less WTF price at SMKW). This isn’t exactly what I would prefer for a primary line of defense, but in places with odd rules where knives are kosher but anything with a bangswitch is verboten, it’s better than nothing. Normally when I have this on me (which I admit isn’t terribly often), it’s role is a backup tool for cutting jobs too big for my leatherman or regular pocketknife. AUS8 steel isn’t my first choice, but it doesn’t suck, and for the type of use this blade is most likely to see, it’s adequate. The serrations are handy, but I wouldn’t want to rely on only them to saw through anything much bigger than a half inch diameter or so.

The blade length is convenient, and the handle is nice and grippy. It holds and takes an edge about as well as you’d expect AUS8 to do so (which for the folks who have better things to do than obsess over metallurgy means “Pretty dang well, but not spectacularly”), and is nicely balanced overall. I can’t say I’m ever much a fan of kydex (it just feels weird against my skin), but again, given the purpose and price point it fits the bill nicely. This one has actually pulled duty in the kitchen when a regular paring knife wasn’t quite up to some task or other, but going to a full chef’s knife would’ve been way too much, and it handled the jobs in that category excellently (if memory serves, it was some sort of potato-based chore).

Since you all know how awesomely low-drag* I am, I can of course attest to winning countless knife fights with this thing. My elite training with Spetznaz, SEAL Team 6, and the super secret stuff I can’t tell you about where some of my teachers probably hang out in your gun store clearly makes my opinion of this knife count all the more.

Ok, seriously though, for defense I’d much rather have a gun, or lots of guns, or lots of friends with lots of guns, but this thing is a pretty handy tool and in an emergency, it’s at least a better defense than harsh language. Keep it in your car or backpack (or use the clip and put it on your boot just to feel cool), and it’s certainly worth the price from a reputable retailer.

dscn0518
(Click for Dang I’m Huge version)

‘Course the downside to all this talk of nifty steel today is that now I’ve got the itch to add more. Wonder if I could get that one on some sort of advertising deal…
*Can’t have drag if you’re not moving.

Good Stuff

October 17, 2008 - 3:45 pm Comments Off

Like dogs? Like to think? Like thinking and biology in general and don’t mind dogs? Check out the latest addition to the blogroll, Smartdogs.

The fact that one of their recent posts touches on the emergent nature of the dynamics of behavior, a subject that’s been much on my mind lately (but frustratingly not leading to postable material so much as a lot of questions), doesn’t hurt.

Disco Your Heart Out

October 17, 2008 - 1:57 pm Comments Off

Apparently, the BeeGees earworm Stayin’ Alive can actually help people stay alive.

Specifically, the beat of the song is so closely matched to the ideal rhythm for cardiac compressions that it can actually help people performing CPR stay close to a good rate of compressions. It’s a little bit too fast, but a few too many is better than not enough.

a)I can now freely admit to liking this song with no shame, and
b)To all you EMTs, nurses, doctors, and paramedics? You’re welcome, and please don’t kill me.

America: The World's Technology Leader For A Reason

October 16, 2008 - 7:30 pm Comments Off

Testing Mail Goggles

For those who have not already discovered this story: One of the nifty little widgets available for Google’s e-mail program, Gmail, is “Mail Goggles”, a program designed to prevent you from sending humiliating drunken e-mails by making you complete simple arithmetic problems before you can compose and send mail. The program automatically activates between the hours of ten in the evening and four in the morning, though you can change these settings if you are an alcoholic, a fraternity member, a journalist, or a libertarian in an election year and start your serious drinking earlier in the day.

At first, I thought the article had to be kidding and started combing the URL looking for the giveaway small difference between it and Time Magazine’s actual URL. Then it occurred to me that I use Gmail and could therefore solve the mystery fairly simply. After much messing around with my settings, I found out the article is not kidding and the program exists, although it seems to be a third-party developed addon rather than an actual Google-pushed product like Google Crom Chrome.

The article’s conclusion is that the math problems are simply too easy to really stop anyone from drunkenly informing their ex-girlfriend that they’re thinking of killing themselves every day that they’re apart, or their professor that they’re a know-it-all asshole who should fuck themselves and die, but that the irritation factor is sufficient to discourage all but the most determined of drunks ready to commit social suicide.

Me, I just activated it. To all my friends, relatives, and acquaintances: if you get an e-mail at three am telling you that I’ve always thought you sucked dead dog balls, I’m just testing it. After all, it just won’t work unless I’m ACTUALLY impaired enough to show genuinely terrible judgment.