Firehose Pressure Crazy

March 28, 2014 - 1:19 pm
Irradiated by Stingray

Ok, you all know the drill. You have open comments, sooner or later you’re gonna get some Weird Shit(TM) in there. Tam has her ghost in the machine poetry, you get the jist (because I’m too lazy to grab other examples). Back when we were still writing more regularly, we got a doozy. I mean, wow. I’ve had this thing sitting in the pending folder for over a year because every time I go to look at it again, I boggle just as hard as the very first time.

It wasn’t even submitted to a post relevant to the crazy. It was on the one about burning more hot dog buns. I mean, dafuq.

With the original well over a year old at this point, I feel it’s safe to share without attracting the attention of yon batshit loon. I mean if he, she, or it does come back, more free entertainment, right? That said, enjoy one of the biggest blocks of crazy I’ve ever read on the internet.

Just as the gods used WWII to justify an influx of new technologies so will they use the impending pestilence which kills over half the world’s population to justify historical medical advances, including the “cure of aging”, initiating the “1000 years with Jesus on Earth”.
We’ve seen this tactic used recently with AIDS, targetted at homosexuals and blacks in Africa.
Then, as promised, The End will come with fire::::Global tectonic subduction.

Anyone the gods role play telepathically or use for positioning in this Situation extensively have a legacy of hurting others. The more they hurt the more eggregious in history their legacy. Considering they tell me my auidence at any one time is nearly half a billion it is not inconceivable Adolph Hitler was reincarnated into the Situation.
Due to the expansive accumulated audience in this Situation these individuals have now qualified for a legacy of hurting billions of people, and as a result own a very exclusive legacy which will qualify them to be used for the pestilence event which kills half the world’s population:::The monsters of tommarrow.

Don’t forget the lessons the ‘ole white preacher taught:::Dancing is a sin, spare the rod spoil the child.
The gods used the liberal tool to ridicule away so many taboos, paving the way for the decay of society and ultimately the End Times::::::
Black behavior was controlled by the KKK. Men’s behavior was controlled by marriage for thousands of years.
When married by 15 men never gained the taste of promiscuity. Once the gods used the budding liberalism tool the men set the tone for the deteriorating enviornment centered around their gross disfavor.
Women’s relinquishing control of pre-arranged marriage will be what costs mankind everything in The End. It’s all their fault. Men are pigs, essentially just primally responsive disfavored beings who if given the freedom will abuse based on the impulses the god’s push them into. Whereas under pre-arranged marriage this behavior was contained now the promiscuous fraternity house epitomizes the pinnicle of what a “real man” should be like. And sadly the women fall into line.

The gods behave monsterously in the course of managing Planet Earth, matching our decay, but they demand people be good if you are to have a chance to ascend as a child in a future life.
Not only is doing the right things important (praying, attoning for your sins, thinking the right way:::accepting humility, modesty, vulnerability), so is avoiding the wrong things important as well:::”Go and sin no more”.
You NEED active parents who share wisdom to have a real chance to ascend into heaven in a future life, and you MUST be a good parent as well to have that opportunity.

As with so many things in this life “less is more”. Sex is one of those things. They used the liberal age to promote casual “free” sex intentionally::Combined with “women’s lib” and their initiation into the “trenches” of the workplace as well as other issues like alcohol consumption the people experienced a mass masculinization of the females.
The gods use sex as temptation. This is why the most disfavored among us are preoccupied with it. While some may feel being well-endowed is a sign of favor the truth is just the opposite. And often the result is misogyny, a belittling of the favored gender, and stagnation of the people as a whole.
Less is more. When young women experience passing thoughts which say you’re doing something wrong instead of fighting or dismissing the thought you should heed the warning. Sadly in today’s world too many experience prolonged periods of promiscuity in their lives, whereas if married by 15 like throughout human history this disfavor was avoided.
Don’t forget:::It is children who ascend into heaven, and the absence of sexual activity is one reason. Their general innocence is another, which should help you see the destructive nature of adult life in today’s society.

…….The Aristocrats!

10 Responses to “Firehose Pressure Crazy”

  1. Ambulance Driver Says:

    What. The. Fuck.

  2. Chas Says:

    So get married by 15 and everything will be copasetic? Only if that is combined with backbreaking labor and a constant search for calories.

  3. Peter Says:

    Sounds like a natural candidate to be Joe Biden’s running mate in 2016.

  4. tweell Says:

    Sounds almost like an uncle of mine. There’s no lizardmen or inner earth mentioned, otherwise I would call and ask him how he overcame his internet paranoia.

  5. Old NFO Says:

    What the… Hoo boy, that guys’ so far in left field he’s OUT of the stadium!!!

  6. Eric Hammer Says:


    Actually, the basic premise would make for a really fun RPG campaign. The players think they are being all good and virtuous going out and stopping the bad guys from doing all the monstrous things, unwittingly foiling the gods who are sitting on high banging their heads on their keyboards. “WTF guys?! Seriously, we need that guy! Fine… you know what, you don’t want the cure for all pain? Fine. Screw you!” The gods continually throw bigger and bigger catastrophes at the world and the players in order to try and bring about the end of days, while the players continually foil them and leave the world in stagnation, only to realize what they have done at the end when the gods just rage quit and abandon the universe.

  7. Grimalkins Says:

    That was an interesting read right before going to bed. I’m sure the gods will bless me with wonderful dreams of all my past sins and dalliances.

  8. Jennifer Says:

    I can’t even come up with something witty to say here so I’ll just stand here and stare at that giant gaping hole where reality used to be.

  9. bluntobject Says:


    I think I’m actually playing in that campaign right now. I’d point our GM to this post and ask him if he wrote the original, but I’m afraid to give him any ideas.

  10. alurker Says:

    Makes the reading on a Dr Bronner’s label seem downright cozy.