A Simple Request

November 26, 2012 - 12:41 am
Irradiated by Stingray
10 Comments

Now that the stupidest part of the year is well upon us, I have a request for those of you who must endure the bullshit that is air travel in the US this season.

If the blue-gloved stasi at the metal detector/lookey-loo machine tries to touch you, insist on fresh gloves.

In my wildest moments of optimism*, I can hope that this will catch on like gangbusters and be a lever applied at the fulcrum of budget as the demand for more and more gloves skyrockets, and the TSA comes crumbling down and joy returns to the land and nobody demands papers please and….

Yeah, and maybe I’ll get that letter of marque, too.

More realistically, you’ll at least have the peace of mind that the dimwitted goon about to grope you didn’t just grope Brittni Ambir’s active herpes outbreak ’cause hey, look at the cans on that one huh with the same gloves, and cause them some annoyance in the process.

*Usually called “christ, cheer up once in a while would you?” by friends

10 Responses to “A Simple Request”

  1. Old NFO Says:

    I do, and do the same when they want to ‘fondle’ my bags… :-) And NO they don’t like it!!!

  2. Kristophr Says:

    I try to have my bags full of dirty laundry on the return flight.

    They need thicker gloves for my stuff.

  3. jbrock Says:

    Yeah, and maybe I’ll get that letter of marque, too.

    DC wouldn’t issue one even if they could pronounce it.

    Try Kenya and Djibouti, though, and just possibly Ethiopia. Talk to the right people, using the right dead presidents’ portraits to help make your point, and you might just pull it off.

    Regarding TSA, it isn’t even funny how strongly or how often I’ve been tempted to pop a Viagra or two before going through the line.

  4. perlhaqr Says:

    Heh. I always do this. At least since I went through EMT school, anyway.

    They don’t usually seem to care much, really. Of course, I don’t really fly that much either, so it’s not like I have all that many data points.

  5. Heather Says:

    I *always* request this. And insist they have to be latex free due to allergies. They REALLY don’t like me for it. My usual response is I’d rather not need them to call an ambulance, or land the flight mid-way…

  6. Robert Says:

    I thought the stupidest part of the year ended on Nov. 6…

    Talk to the right people, using the right dead presidents’ portraits to help make your point, and you might just pull it off.

    I am told the application of the portraits of a certain statesman is far more effective.

  7. Geodkyt Says:

    I must disagree with your characterization of TSA drones as “Stasi”.

    I believe the Stasi had much higher hiring standards, including minimum education.

    But I agree with the rest.

    One glove, two gloves.
    Blue glove, new gloves.
    Touch me softly with a new pair.
    Touch me softly when you’re down there.
    Touch me softly, Mr. PedoBear.

    –Dr. Seuss, “Chester Finds a Molester”

  8. FormerFlyer Says:

    Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve tried this 4 times in the last month, and they were always ready with new gloves, and two of them were putting them on as I asked. Then they take the gloves over to the smell-o-meter and do an explosive test on them. Looks like they’ve rolled with the punches.

    FormerFlyer

  9. Kristophr Says:

    They keep notes on troublemakers, FormerFlyer.

  10. Chuck Kuecker Says:

    I’ve taken an oath not to fly until I can do so with my sidearm, open carried, loaded with my favorite loads, and have the flight crew smile when they see me coming.

    Besides, I don’t fit in those seats, and no one will pay for me to upgrade to first class.

    Quoting you in my blog.