Message Drift

June 9, 2014 - 4:49 pm
Irradiated by Stingray

Discovered floating in the tubes:
The Naked Bike Ride In Portland Showed Everyone’s Vulnerabilities

More or less safe for work. I don’t really know where to start. Well, no. That’s not true. Let’s start with this: Pick a fucking message you goddamn hippies! By the time your point is this muddled, you’re not protesting, you’re just a bunch of streakers egging each other on.

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with being a bunch of streakers egging each other on, but please don’t try to tart it up as some noble crusade. Ok, oil dependence? The bikes make sense. Body image? The naked makes sense. Naked for oil dependence? You lost me. Bikes for body image? Are you saying people should stop being fatties and exercise more? Nice, hypocrites. (Yes, that’s in sarcasm font.) Being naked to show vulnerability on a bike, to the cold mechanical predations of cars? Well, ok, but you all put yourself in that position voluntarily. And what does being squishier than a chevy have to do with oil dependency?

Seriously people, if you’ve got a thorn in your ass over something, be specific! Look at anti-abortion protests. Sure, they suck, but they’re specific and focused and you don’t have to guess what they’re on about. If you have to explain what you’re protesting, you’re not only doing it wrong, but nobody will remember or give a shit five minutes later.

After you get enough groups in the tent, you’re just having a good time with vaguely like-minded people. Again, nothing wrong with that, just don’t expect to be taken seriously.

6 Responses to “Message Drift”

  1. bluntobject Says:

    > And what does being squishier than a chevy have to do with oil dependency?

    Much the way motorcyclists are viewed as organ donors-in-waiting, naked bicycle commuters can be seen as carbon inputs for the catalytic cracking towers that have yet to expire. “Renewable energy!”

  2. Matt G Says:

    I heart this post so much.

  3. Old NFO Says:

    On the MONEY!!! :-) And one just has to wonder what they’re smoking, and why there wasn’t a plug for that in there somewhere… :-)

  4. Tam Says:

    Were they not protesting GMO foods, too?

  5. Murphy's Law Says:

    It’s just another variant of the Occupy movement or all of the anti-war/anti-Bush protests of the pre-Obama days where a bunch of unemployed soap-dodging losers all came together to fly their respective freak flags and delude themselves into thinking that their sheer numbers somehow made them and all of their varied causes somehow credible. In actuality, it was nothing more that a loser-palooza and a collection of smelly trust-fund kids that normal people just dismissed as a collective waste of oxygen as we passed by them on our way to work every day.

  6. Kristophr Says:

    Now I’ma waiting for naked Zoobomb runs.

    All the way down the West Hills at night on fixy children’s bikes … preferably in the rain.