Loch Lurker

April 18, 2014 - 10:19 pm
Irradiated by LabRat
6 Comments

Dear world,

The Daily Mail and the Loch Ness Monster Fan Club are not credible reporters of whether an aquatic Rorschach blot is a hundred-foot animal. While large animals previously unknown to Western science CAN still be found (though they are generally not remotely unknown by local populations that don’t give a shit about Western science), they are not found in oligotrophic freshwater lakes with frequent surface traffic in the middle of heavily populated-by-Westerners countries. The idea that Loch Ness is inhabited by a breeding population of marine reptiles or similar animals is only somewhat more likely than the idea that New York City is inhabited by pterosaurs.

6 Responses to “Loch Lurker”

  1. Allen Says:

    Regardless of how I got there I learned three terms today, all of them fraught with funny possibilities.

    The Lazarus Taxon: yeah we catch them all the time but we throw them back.
    The Elvis Taxon: sure it looks like him but he really is dead.
    The Zombie Taxon: what can anyone say to that?

  2. Kristophr Says:

    Hobos disappear from the streets of NYC all the time.

    The pterosaurs don’t get reported because they are Somebody Else’s Business.

  3. Old NFO Says:

    All true LR, but they’ve got a financial stake in keeping “Nessie” alive… :-)

  4. LabRat Says:

    Yeah, Roswell operates in much the same way here.

  5. tweell Says:

    What about the carnivorous apes that are under the Greenwich Village area of NY? IIRC they come out during the Christmas season to hunt down hippies and hipsters alike.

    The problem is getting people worried about these anthropoids. After all, everyone knows Yule Gibbons only ate nuts and fruits.

    (From Spider Robinson’s Callahan’s Bar stories)

  6. DaddyBear Says:

    Maybe not New York, but Kentucky people will speak in hushed tones about the flying silver monkeys that come out a couple of hours after the home-made hooch.