Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

March 20, 2012 - 4:36 pm
Irradiated by LabRat
Comments Off on Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

On Tam, who is responding to this on the subject of “the gun culture”.

OK, the long and the short of “the gun culture” as it exists on the internet and at conventions and in magazines and little groups of rednecks shooting cans in a quarry is this: We’re geeks.

That’s it. That’s all. Geeks will act like geeks around their favorite subjects of geekiness. Not everyone who owns a tool or does an activity is a geek, and they tend to be a bit weirded out by geeks. It’s okay not to be geeky, but please leave us geeks to our geeking without painting sinister motives on us. (I’d also ask you please not to shove our heads in toilets, but being as we are gun geeks, this is not so much a problem.)

This is why zombie apocalypse is so ridiculously popular as a fiction scenario among gunnies*; it allows geeks to do all sorts of hella geeky things like game out scenarios and fiddle with fun equipment and come up with strategies and inventions and mods without, y’know, actually involving real people that we’d feel bad about even fantasizing about shooting, because we’re not psychopaths. If we were sports geeks we’d be playing fantasy football; if we were fantasy geeks we’d be LARPing. We’re gun geeks, so we’re gonna argue about what gun for zombie and how to make lightweight biteproof armor.

Yes, we know about the guys those scary training videos are aimed at that buy crappy martial arts and survival stuff from the back of catalogues and whose entire wardrobe is in coyote brown, flat black, forest green, and desert tan. If he were playing Dungeons and Dragons he’d be a Munchkin. We can’t drop a rock on him, so we call him Tommy Tactical or Mall Ninja and try not to invite him to our parties. Hyper-competitive, self-hating** geeks who take everything way too seriously suck.

I say all this as someone who isn’t even that much of a gun geek- I like shooting but mostly guns are just tools to me- but who damn well knows a tribe of geeks when she’s playing with them, from all the other tribes I definitely belong to.

*Use in pretty much the same tone and spirit as you’d say “Trekkie”. Not every gun owner is a gunnie by a long chalk.

**As in “cannot admit they are basically just geeks and feel comfortable with that”.

No Responses to “Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!”

  1. Old NFO Says:

    That’s a winner! ALL the way around! :-)

  2. Nick P. Says:

    As someone who is the D&D playing geek, it amuses me to no end when I get guff from people at school for playing D&D and those same people turn right around and wax poetic for hours about the fantasy football league they’re starting.

    All I can do is smirk a little and shake my head.

  3. Tam Says:


  4. MSgt B Says:

    How’d you know what’s in my wardrobe?

    That’s creepy…

  5. McThag Says:

    Since we’re geeks now, do we have to bite the heads off chickens?

    The gaming geek thing morphed seamlessly into the gun thing. Playing “Top Secret” was the first place where knowing something about guns paid off. Then “Twilight 2000″ then GURPS…

  6. Gnarly Sheen Says:

    How many nerd points do I get for having seen the video your post title refers to? I love LARPers.

  7. Jennifer Says:

    Hooray! I have found a new geek tribe! Geeks are my favorite people

  8. Weer'd Beard Says:

    I put on my robe and wizard hat!

  9. Geodkyt Says:

    “It’s a GAZEEBO.”

    “I attack it.”


    “Isn’t a gazeebo an evil black thing with a shoulder thingie that goes up?”

    (Non-RPG’ers, just move along. . . inside joke. )

  10. Robert Says:

    Geodkyt: technically, that’s two inside jokes, from separate geek tribes.

    You’re crossing’ the streams, man!

  11. That Guy Says:

    Brilliant analysis.

    So, a Coyote Tan polo, 5.11 Tactipants with a Wilderness Instructor belt are our tribe’s version of a short sleeve white button up with a pocket protector, while wearing a calculator watch?

  12. Instinct Says:

    It is interesting how many gun geeks are also D&D geeks (myself included)

    Think I could get a government grant to study this? It would take many hours and lots of Mountain Dew as well as this D20

  13. Erin Palette Says:

    I myself occupy the very rare intersection of guns, role-playing games, and magical talking pastel cartoon ponies. At times I feel like an odd Venn diagram.

  14. LabRat Says:

    TG- yes. Or, more modern, ratty jeans, a Three Wolf Moon shirt, and a ponytail no matter the gender.

    Erin- not as rare as you think. Keep calm and canter on.

  15. Bill Says:

    Crap, I’ve been discovered!! Quick, back to the teleporter!!

  16. Laughingdog Says:

    I think Weer’d pretty much won this comment thread. I’d forgotten about Bloodninja.

  17. Rob Reed Says:

    Great analysis. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense. I fly my geek flag proudly.

  18. Wing and a Whim Says:

    Gnarly – if you get geek points for having seen it, how many geek points do I earn for having played the LARP that the video showed? (Actually, I’ll have to go back and watch it to see whether it was Amtgard or Solaris – you can tell by the monster costumes and weapons minutiae, but the spells are pretty much the same.)

    I’m not nearly as much of a gunnie as people assume – I just herd the cats, make food, and enjoy shooting stuff. Then again, I was once in a guild on EQ for the sole purpose of being able to notify all my housemates what was for dinner, and schedule it to fit around the raid so it’d be eaten hot… and so the rest of the guild could enjoy ribbing them if they were late for dinner. Making sure that enough food shows up at the right time to feed all of Oleg and all of his models when his shoot “unexpectedly” runs long? Piece of cake. (Or homemade walnut rolls, to go with the roast beef sandwiches and deviled eggs.)

    Geodkyt – the Gazebo is unimpressed with your attack. It now has a few holes in it, and is still sitting there. What do you do next? …oh, hell with it. Roll for initiative!

  19. MattW Says:

    Guns, RPGs, this post and the comments are is full of all sorts of win.

    @Robert, maybe separate inside jokes but not from completely separate geek tribes, at least not in my little geektastic world.