Concerning Heavenly Bodies

May 30, 2008 - 11:56 am
Irradiated by Stingray
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I’ve been fortunate. I’ve never, in my entire life, run into a single individual that took a view to astrology any more serious than “Oh, well, horoscope said $prediction, wink wink nudge nudge, better watch out!” I’m told there are people who base major life decisions around these mass-produced vagaries in the local paper, or worse, pay people money to have others come up with specific vagaries on the spot from a cold reading. The only person I know who has paid for such a service was pretty clearly in the spirit of “For entertainment purposes only.” That said, I’m afraid I’m the dumb kid in today’s roundup of major talent, ’cause I really can’t get too worked up about a minor anachronism when I haven’t had to personally sit down and walk someone through the math proving it’s wrong. Personally the part that confuses me the most about the belief in astrology is that our local planets have enough gravitational sway to affect your entire life, while distant galaxies (which tend to compensate for the inverse square in the gravitational force equation with excessive mass despite the insane distances – at least they do well enough for astrology numbers) don’t. I guess you just run out of room on the graph paper at some point and have to draw the line, so to speak. That said, I realized that astrology wasn’t about math or science, but about heavenly bodies. I’m willing to bet that none of my esteemed colleagues picked this up, having written this before the “deadline” (Edit to add: And was foiled by a faulty “publish on schedule” in my wordpress setup), but I for one am going to run with that ball.

First, a quick look at what everyone can expect today:

For those either at home, or with bosses that don’t object to tasteful nekkidness, the rest of my impression of astrology lies below the fold.

taurus

aries

leo

virgo

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

capricorn

aquarius


(If you don’t recognize, the clip is from the hilarious “Kentucky Fried Movie.” The images were found during random internet crawling, and on the off chance that the actual owner sees them and objects to this use, please drop a note in comments.)

Now everybody cross your fingers that when LawDog gets to pick the theme of the week it isn’t something like “Your Personal Experiences in Africa” or Tam doesn’t pick “Breechface Design in Modern Revolvers,” ’cause I don’t have any cute pictures for something like that.

No Responses to “Concerning Heavenly Bodies”

  1. Christina LMT Says:

    Heavenly bodies, indeed! The images are stunning and artistic. Astrology, however, has no merit. We’re agreed on that!

  2. Chas S. Clifton Says:

    The people I know who follow astrology don’t say anything about planetary gravity–or unseen rays or anything like that.

    The usual metaphor is “hands of a clock” — the planetary motions are merely indicators about some sort of cycle that affects human and events.

    It’s the same human-centered-cosmos thinking that I tried to describe when I blogged recently about “voodoo botany”.

  3. Don Gwinn Says:

    Best use of astrology, ever.

  4. shortbus Says:

    I don’t know about astrology, but that has got to be one of the best zodiac calenders ever.

  5. Matt G Says:

    Finally. FINALLY! A depiction of astrology that I could really put my hands on, and appreciate.

  6. Turk Turon Says:

    Stunning images!

    I was almost too stunned to notice that they spelled “pisces” as “pieces”. Is that French or sumpin’?

  7. Stingray Says:

    Turk: We just noticed that ourselves when we were proofreading. I’ve no idea what spawned the misspelling. I don’t even remember where I found ‘em, just that I saw ‘em and thought “I should save these.”

  8. Turk Turon Says:

    Each one is more beautiful and fanciful than the last. What an imagination! The raised arm in Scorpio is just delightful! I can’t tell if they’re real or Photoshopped or both but they are by turns, sweet, sexy, and outrageous. And impeccably realized.

    Thanks!

  9. Alcibiades McZombie Says:

    If you search google for “zodiac body painting” (no quotation marks) it should be one of the results.

  10. Rogue Medic Says:

    Impressive.

    The range of approaches to this topic is also impressive.

  11. Holly Says:

    That’s gorgeous.

    …Where’s Cancer?

  12. perlhaqr Says:

    Cancer: http://www.astrologyweekly.com/zodiac-pictures/bodypainting/cancer.jpg