Mmm, Stimulating.

February 13, 2009 - 1:10 pm
Irradiated by Stingray
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Recently discovered in Porkulon, Scratcher of Backs:

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Atomic Nerds for the Atomic Nerds Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $10,000,000,000 shall be paid directly to Atomic Nerds in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Atomic Nerds to To bring fiber optic internet to White Rock residents and build liquid nitrogen cooled desktop computers, fund the continued development of Vlad the Impala (a ’67 SS), feed hungry akitas, perform overly ambitious home improvement projects, to fund the acquisition of multiple NFA items (henceforth refered to as “cool toys”) as well as non-nfa firearms and accessories, and provide the mental health through alcohol and entertainment to the operators of the Atomic Nerds weblog, and any discretionary projects as necessary. or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Atomic Nerds will receive free Joan Jett tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Atomic Nerds shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Nancy Pelosi is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

(found via Odious and Peculiar, go get your stimulus on.)

No Responses to “Mmm, Stimulating.”

  1. Steve Bodio Says:

    As a, you know, WRITER I find Governmentese extremely difficult

    So: Moar gunz plz!