Ok, don’t get your hopes up that we’re coming back full time. I’m going to try to post more frequently, but those of you who still stop by have probably noticed that hasn’t been going so well. But tonight, tonight I wound up with a special snowflake I just had to share with everybody. As the title implies, I may have gained some inspiration from everybody’s favorite Texas cop LawDog (or he’s your second favorite and you prefer someone else, there’s room for differences of opinion).
Partway through this afternoon, my very own little close-enough-to-prepaid cell phone, FUT*, alerts me to an incoming text message.
Fine. It’s a wrong number, I will just ignore it. An hour or two later,
Amor I got a new number
Terrific, skippy. I guess you didn’t import your old phone’s settings. More ignoring. Finally, many hours later, as it grew late and I grew weary of a world of idiots,
Amor I got a new #
This was around 11pm. Thank you, but that’s enough. I engaged, and replied
Sorry, Mario. Your amor is at a different number.
Things did not improve from here.
Who is this
I’m the wrong number you keep calling amor. I know love is blind but this is pushing it.
But who r u
It’s a little early in the relationship to get that metaphysical.
What…I’m just asking who u r
At this point, it was late and I was bored. I popped the number into google, and came up with the president of a small tax business in Santa Fe. In the grand tradition of TV psychics, a theme that will come up again later, I ran with it.
I’m a thought experiment, Andrew. I’m the answer to the question “What if the wrong number is bored?”
What do u do
What r u doing
I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for people slow on the uptake. But I do my own taxes, so I’m good there if you’re looking for business.
What do u mean a nightmare for people slow on the uptake
I dug a little further on the info I’d found.
Well you’d think by 54 years old one would have learned a) what a wrong number is, and b) that Andres and Ray might appreciate a bit more technological savvy from a partner.
Andres and Ray were listed as the vice president and treasurer of the company.
Ooooo so what r u dedicated to
Wheeled performance analysis delivery. Everybody needs a hobby. Y’know, besides this.
What? I love derby reffing.
See what I mean about “slow”? Crystal says good night. Take care, amor. I grow bored again.
I threw the net a little wider and found another probable hit on facebook, so I figured there’s nothing really for me to lose in this, let’s see if Crystal gets a hit.
Wait I don’t think we r done talking…What do u mean slow…and who’s crystal
Swing and a miss. Oh well.
You ever see those tv shows where psychics talk to people’s dead relatives, Andy? Do I really have to draw a map here?
Yea u do…I’m slow
Admitting it is the first step. You with me that we don’t know each other, that I’m not amor? Follow up, do you know what a “wrong number” is?
Those of you in NM hearing a sudden thunderclap with clear skies, that would have been the sound of my facepalm.
To which question? Specificity is the soul of good communication.
The second question
What is it?
Apparently an anachronism. It is a term which means you have (historically) dialed, or more currently, texted, a number that is not correct to contact the person you desire. It puts you in contact with an arbitrary stranger, who may just be bored enough to mess with you if “wrong number” is too complicated. Good night, Andrew, now go away.
At which point I put the number on ignore. Fifty bucks says this idiot votes, too.
*Fucking Useless Toy. It never works when I need it to, so functionally it is a toy.